This post is a report on a serious and scientific subject with which I have, er, grappled over the years. No, no, not global warming, nor the state of Erwin Schrödinger's bloody cat, I'm talking complex, variable, multi-statistics here best summed up by the headline in The Mail:
The changing size of British breasts: How the average woman’s bust has bloomed from a modest 34B to a curvy 34DD like Kim Kardashian in just 50 years!
Now you can see my difficulty immediately because I haven't the faintest idea what '34B' or '34DD' means, they could be the square root of pi for all I know! It is one of those deeply mysterious constructs (and believe me, they frequently are constructed!) of the sort you come across in quantum physics where a pair of particles might be spinning one way or another and you can only settle the matter by looking but, alas, the mere attempt to look results in a painful nudge in the ribs from the 'Memsahib' - and God help you if try a surreptitious feel!
Anyway, some, no doubt dandruff-ridden, 'smelly-socks' from The Mail has conducted an in-depth investigation and tells us that our frightfully decent, British ladies have now achieved the sort of dimensions only available to Ms. Kim Kardashion:
I'm sorry but this technical investigation will have to come to an end because, alas, that photo of Ms. Kardashian has left me in an over-wrought condition and I must go and lie down to recover. Damn, it's very tough supplying you ingrates with all these important stories . . .