No, no, don't panic, I'm not about to drop dead (famous last words, perhaps?), or 'do a runner' (walking I can do, running I cannot!). Actually, I'm off to spend the weekend with SoD - yeeeeeeeees, quite, and if he so much as mentions Brexit I'll send him to his room just like I used to do 'back in the day'!
But before I leave I thought you - or at least, my American friends - would be pleased to know that even in the depths of the most squalid, tedious Presidential election I have ever witnessed, there is still a rare gleam of humour. This, courtesy of The Telegraph, cheered me up, not least because some of the jokes are exceedingly witty. They occurred at a charity dinner last night attended by Clinton and Trump:
Clinton on Trump
- "It’s amazing I’m up here (at the lectern) after Donald. I didn’t think he’d be OK with a peaceful transition of power."
- "Donald has been very concerned about my health. He actually sent a car to bring me here tonight. Actually, it was a hearse."
- "Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on."
- "Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it."
- "Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four, maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair."
Trump on Clinton
- "Hillary is so corrupt she got kicked off the Watergate Commission."
- "Hillary accidentally bumped into me back stage and said 'Pardon me'. I very politely replied 'Let me talk to you about that after I get into office'."
- "Hillary believes in having one public policy and a totally different policy in private. For example, here she is tonight, in public, pretending not to hate Catholics."
- "I’d like to address the issue of going to confession. Or, as Hillary Clinton calls it, the weekend with FBI Director Comey."
- "I wasn't really sure if Hillary was going to be here tonight because, I guess, you didn't send her invitation by email. Or maybe you did, and she just found out about it through the wonder of WikiLeaks."
Oh dear, if only the rest of the campaign had been more like that.
Anyway, I'll be back on Monday . . .