A small but highly select choice of one liners:
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands the other day, well, I didn't actual buy it, I stole it off a short, fat, ginger kid!
As a kid I was made to walk the plank, well, we couldn't afford a dog!
Dave drowned so at the funeral we gave him a wreath shaped like a life-belt. Well, it's what he would have wanted!
Being an England supporter is like being the over-enthusiastic parent of the fat kid at a school sports day!
That's your lot. And when I get home to my proper computer I will provide the source link.