Have I told you that I am a fully qualified airline pilot? Oh dear, it must have slipped my memory but yes, indeed, I have the silver wings, the dark blue uniform and the peaked cap worn at a rakish angle. In addition, of course, I am accompanied everywhere by two gorgeous stewardesses in rather slinky uniforms and impossibly high heels.
What was that?
Who do I fly for?
Well, as you know, in my last occupation I used to trade as 'Duff Motors' but in my flying days it was 'Duff Airlines' as provided courtesy of Flight Simulator X. I don't do so much of it anymore, well, it was a pain getting dressed up, and smuggling the two birds in past the 'Memsahib' was very tricky! Anyway, looking at this chap making a landing at what is reckoned to be the most difficult and dangerous airport in the world, it reminded me of my own efforts. Of course, had I landed on that runway it would have been somewhat different. For example I would, almost certainly, have missed the damn thing altogether! However, on a good day I might have hit it ('hit' being the operative word) but I would have done so at least halfway down and run out of space at the end - they never build the damn things long enough for me, even at Heathrow! Of course, all that depends on me actually reaching the end because usually my inability to steer the bloody thing straight means that I run off the runway onto the grass and am forced to use any handy hanger as a means of bringing my plane to a halt!
Speaking as a highly experienced ex-paratrooper, I can say, in all honesty, that my Microsoft 'plane' is the only one I would jump out of with both alacrity and pleasure! Anyway, have a look at this and see how a real pilot does it: