'All the non-news that is totally unfit to print'!

That's our proud motto, here at Duff & Nonsense, so we make no apologies for publishing this photo:

and telling you this pussy story - please, I do the jokes round here, do try and be serious!  Actually, it is a very sad pussy story because, according to the Anorak site, this lady, Amanda Simmons, aka Mandy Mountain, of Charleston, West Virginia, was tasked with looking after a neighbour's kitten.  Alas:

She says that when her lover went to inspect her chub at close quarters he spotted a cat (avoid obvious joke – ed). The cat was dead. Mandy had sat on it.

At this point I must rely on my numerous American readers to translate "chub", although, on second thoughts, perhaps I don't really want to know.  Anyway, several interesting questions arise which Anorak fails to answer.  Who is her lover?  Is he actually blind?  How on earth did he lift her in order to find the dead cat?  And, finally, does he realise that he has just demonstrated the proof of Schrödinger's interpretation of quantum mechanics?  Until he lifted 'Mandy Mountain' - what a man! - the cat was, so to speak, both alive and dead.  By his superhuman efforts he collapsed an infinite series of possibilities into a single reality.  He also risked a serious hernia!

There is one further question which occurred to me as I studied the photograph before I read the story, and that is, why does she bother to paint her toe nails?  A supplementary question instantly arose - how does she paint her toe nails?  There are certain other questions of a technical but delicate nature that I would like to pose to her lover but they are not suitable for a high-minded blog like this whose regular readers are noted for their fastidious good taste - who sniggered?

I am grateful - if that is quite the word - to the 'usual suspects' over at IHTM.

Oh, and by the way, don't blame me if you spewed hot coffee all over your keyboards, I don't invent the news, I just report it!

 

Comments

[Whyaxye]

"Anyway, several interesting questions arise which Anorak fails to answer. Who is her lover? Is he actually blind?"

Chris Huhne's got form.

[David Duff]

I hadn't thought of him but now you mention it . . .

[Hat Johns]

I dont think Mandy Mountain sat on a cat. I think Mandie Mountain sat on at least 2 flamingos who had just had a serous relationship with a Dodo.
I mean, where are her knickers?
And I feel quite sorry for the chair which is being absorbed by her body as I write.
No wonder she's got a smile on her face. I think her lover was sitting on the chair.

[David Duff]

Crikey, Hat, how did you manage to look for so long? Through your fingers, was it? And please, I wondered where her knickers had gone too but I could not dwell on the question for more than 3.7 nano-seconds!

[Dom]

The title in the Anorak news was "Lover Finds Dead Cat Beneath Fat Woman’s Bottom." I'm sure that means the cat's lover, and the dead cat was found at the bottom of the woman's toe.

[David Duff]

Dom, my 'gast' has just been 'flabbered'!

[Andra]

Mandy Mountain of West Virginia, eh?
You get a lot of woman for your dollar in these southern states.
But I gotta tell ya, I ain't letting her anywhere near my pussy!
JK - I'd kinda like your thoughts on this, ahem, female. You may even already be familiar with Ms. Mountain. Some of us are curious about this.
And I have absolutely no intention of even considering what this creature's knickers may look like or what the so-called lover looks like.
Frankly, I don't believe there is a lover.
However, I think there is a pussy or has been a pussy at some time.
Everybody's got a pussy at some time or another.
I have one or two right now.
I hate this subject.
But at least you got me talking to you again and that's a good thing, right?