I don't have to translate my title because even you lot can understand it, especially if you're English. Last night, Italy brought an end to the national embarrassment that is the England 'footie' team. My only complaint is that they took so long to do it. Why am I so grateful? "Let me count the ways".
First, because throughout the entire tournament England played the most execrable, eye-stabbingly tedious football I have ever watched. I don't entirely blame the manager because it seemed obvious to me that he recognised that most of our players can't pass wind let alone a football. Consequently, he told them that in the unlikely event of them ever actually finding the ball at their feet they should immediately pass it to an opposition player. This they proceded to do although occasionally, and I guess entirely by accident, they did sometimes manage to pass it to a team-mate.
And second, because if God had struck down half the Italian team last night with 'Ukranian belly' thus providing our lumpen lads with a slight chance of winning, then we would all be facing the dread prospect of watching yet another humiliating blitzkrieg next Thursday when we would have had to face the Germans. My dears, simply too, too ghastly to even contemplate!
In the 'great theatre' that is 'footie', we must now all admit that England, at their best, might just manage the part of third messenger!