No, no, I don't mean it's rubbish, like this blog, I mean my shopping today was all pants. You see I have lost quite a bit of weight since I started swimming every morning - have I mentioned this before? Alright, alright, no need to shout, I heard you the first time - anyway, my waist has shrunk from a plump 38" to a slim-line 36". Thus, what I call my 'St. Michael Grandees' which are M&S's standard white underpants for chaps and which hitherto I always bought in the Extra Large size because I hate to feel constricted around the waist, now threatened to fall about my ankles. So, the other day I bought a few pairs of just 'Large' size but when I tried them on one by one over the week I realised they were hipster pants which felt terrible. I kept wanting to pull them up to my waist which is where you want your underpants to be but if I did that it stopped the flow of blood to my legs! Anyway, today - I hope! - I have purchased several pairs of what I call proper pants! Actually, I remember several years ago a very attractive girlfriend of a rather rakish pal of mine telling me that she would never sleep with any man who wore bog-standard M&S white underpants. Oh well, I thought at the time, scratch that one, then! But, in a spirited defence of 'St. Michael Grandees' I did tell her that even a glimpse of mine drove the 'Memsahib' into paroxysms of passion. I checked this out with the 'Memsahib' later on but she just sneered!
However, I bring you chaps rather more important news concerning underpants. According to The Independent, or to be precise, a bunch of scientific prats with nothing better to do some highly qualified scientists from 'Sheffield Polyversity', if you want your sperm count to rise then change your underwear! Apparently, if, like me, you are in the habit of keeping your 'kit' neatly parcelled up in Y-fronts it will boil your balls, I mean, it will raise the temperature of the contents to body temperature and all those squiggly-thingies do not care for the heat. So, you must let it 'all hang out', or, 'hang loose', or whatever you want to call it. So, chaps, if your sperm count is important to you then get back into those jockey-shorts you wore when you were eighteen because it made you look like a footballer. As for me, I don't actually remember, even back in the day, giving a second thought to my sperm count - or even a first one, come to that!
(Somehow, in some indefinable way, I can't help thinking that today's two posts have not exactly raised the intellectual standards around here. Must do better tomorrow!)