As regular readers are aware, I have a habit of being fearfully disrespectful to the 'Cocklecarrots' whose usually fat, comfortable backsides fit so snugly into the judicial seats in our High Courts from where they deliberate and then pontificate on the ill-behaviour of so many of us ordinary mortals. They are not all bad, of course, but the bench of justices being a (just about) human group requires that it contains the normal number of 'stoopids' to be found in any section of the populace and given their propensity to indulge in almost terminal self-importance it is necessary to keep reminding them of it.
However, I have just read of the sad ending to a judicial career of a 'Cocklecarrot' whom I rather like the look of. I am obliged (as those smoothie barristers always put it in court) to The Daily Mail for reporting the case of Judge Michael 'Cocklecarrot' Wood whose career on the bench has just come to a sad and premature end:
Rather a jovial-looking chap, I think, and as he is a 'Geordie' I suspect that he might be rather good company down at the pub. (I don't care much for northerners but I always make an exception for Geordies even if I can never understand a word they say!) But alas and alack, His Lordship is also, it appears, a connoisseur of really handsome, well-rounded, pert, female rumps! So much so, in fact, that as his female clerk passed him by in the corridor he gave her bottom a little pinch, well, as you do! In France or Italy, of course, he would have been given a medal, or at least the chance of a good night out. But here, in grim, PC, female-dominated Britain a complaint was made and poor old 'Mikey' found himself hauled up on a reprimand and forced to call an early end to his career. Lucky for him, the Lord Chancellor to whom the complaint came for consideration was jovial, old Ken Clarke, he of the well-known 'brothel-creeper' suede shoes - if, dread thought, it had been 'Harry Harperson' he would have been in the slammer before he could ask which way to 'D'-wing? Mind you, apparently 'Mikey' is married with three daughters so 'D'-wing might have been a better, or at least quieter, prospect!
I have only one complaint to make about the Daily Mail story and that is the lack of any picture of the lady concerned. I realise, of course, that all the hacks are trembling under the massive threat of an even bigger and more dangerous 'Cocklecarrot' called Levenson but they could have skipped neatly round that by photographing the lady from the rear, thus, simultaneously preserving her anonymity and letting us judge how good 'Mikey's taste is!