Hoorah for the Jobsworths: You will not often see those words on this blog so savour them whilst you may. I nearly fell out of bed with laughter this morning when I heard on the news that some Jobsworth had switched off the sound system in Hyde Park just as someone called Bruce Springsteen and that dreadful little scouser, Paul McCartney, were about to bawl and shout their final numbers. Apparently they had over-run their finishing time 0f 10.30 and according to the by-laws no more 'music' was permitted. You don't even have to listen to their demented wailing to know just how awful they are, instead just look at this photo and imagine, courtesy of the BBC:
"English cops may be the only individuals left on earth that wouldn't want to hear one more from Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney!"
No, no, darling, there's lots more of us who would pay good money never to hear from either of them again - or you, come to that!
How to break the world record: With the Olympic yawn-a-thon stumbling catastrophically to its imminent opening I think it behooves us all to raise our different games. We may not be able to break the 100 metres sprint record, in fact, many of us couldn't even run 100 metres, but in our different ways we should try to improve our performance. I made an inadvertant start this morning when I shuffled into the kitchen and glancing at the 'telly' I saw this:
In an amazing feat of pure athleticism I both found and activated the 'do-flicker-thingie' in the world record time of 0.17 seconds and, bingo, she was gone. 'Harry Harperson' has that effect me. How about you?
Is 'Dave' going to do a 'Harold'? Rumours in the 'hackosphere' that Georgie's time may be up. Apparantly the ratings agencies are moving closer to a downgrade on British credit worthiness which is hardly surprising given that both George and Dave continue to spend and borrow like the toffs they are whilst pretending to be austere minders of the privie purse. Dave's popularity is not only sinking amongst the electorate but even amongst his own party, as last week's massive rebellion indicated. When Harold MacMillan was faced with a similar problem he executed his infamous 'night of the long knives', sacking, I think, six cabinet ministers starting with his chancellor. Thus, he earned his soubriquet of "Mac the Knife"! Will Dave have the ruthlessness to do the same? He might have to do something because I cannot see either him or this coalition lasting.
Well, would you want your ear licked by - a lawyer? As you all know, this blog is ceaseles in its efforts to bring you all the news that's fit, or unfit, come to that, to print. Thus, with the assistance of the greatest grubber of news items big, small and infinitesimal, Drudge, I bring you a report of dirty goings on in a Kauai court. Where the hell is Kauai when it's at home, I hear you mutter, so let me inform you ignoramuses that it is on the Island of Oahu (correction - see comments) in Hawaii, birth place (allegedly!) of the greatest (sort of) black man ever born. According to that great newspaper of record, the Star Advertiser:
A Kauai District judge found an attorney guilty Thursday of licking his client’s ear at his Lihue office.
Lawrence McCreery, 64, was convicted of harassment by per-diem District Judge Frank Rothschild.
On July 26, 2011, McCreery was discussing a 21-year-old woman’s child custody case when he touched her arm, said a news release from the Kauai prosecutor’s office, and McCreery made a strange sound, hugged her tightly and licked the back of her right ear.
Shockin', shockin', of course, but they don't tell us what we all want to know - how much did he bill her for that little lick?
Anyway, mention of Oahu reminds me that I still have work to do on the Pearl Harbour bit of my forthcoming talk. Mind you, I'm still shaking my head in wonderment that those two crucial American carriers were absent having delivered aircraft to Wake and Midway when the Japs struck. They were scheduled to be back but bad weather delayed them. Perhaps, just perhaps, there is a God!