Dear Mr. Berezovsky/Abramovich (delete as necessary)

You don't know me but I am a frightfully respectable and honest - well, alright, I did once, through force of circumstance, have to spend time in the second-hand car trade but none of it brushed off on me, I assure you - English gentleman of the old order in whom you may place absolute trust.  Now I know you must be spitting nails/drinking Dom Pom (delete as necessary) at the decision of the 'Cocklecarrot' who adjudicated on your dispute but equally obviously this is only round one!  The Appeal Court, the Supreme Court, the European Court, all beckon and your ratbags lawyers will be urging you on to stay the course.  Well, of course they will, at anything from £250 to £700 per hour!!! who wouldn't?  If these are indeed the sort of fees you have grown accustomed to paying then I think that somehow, in someway, I could be of service to you.  For example, whilst I realise that you probably have several delicious secretaries to carry your papers, do you not require someone utterly reliable to carry your, no doubt, hugely expensive pen?  I mean, such a tedious business having to reach inside your jacket each time - and it ruins the cut of your suit - so think how useful a pen-carrier would be.  And let me quickly assure you that my fees are strictly commensurate with the responsibility of the task - a mere £50 per hour - oh alright then, to you, £40 per hour because I have it on very good authority that you are an excellent tipper.  Anyway, I'm sure we can come to some form of agreement of mutual benefit to both of us.  I mean, if you are daft enough can afford around £150 mill in legal fees then my very reasonable stipend in return for the onerous responsibility of carrying your pen is a mere nothing - tell you what - my last offer - call it £30 an hour  - and I'll give the pen a bit of a polish each time - I can't say fairer than that!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19413359

 

Comments

[Whyaxye]

What I love about this case is that is addresses alleged wrongs committed because Russia is a corrupt state run by millionaire criminals. The get into a bit of a stalemate because the bribery, political influencing, rigged trials, threats, and murders haven't worked. So they agree to allow m'learned friends in London to dispassionately uncover the truth for them. Almost as if they valued justice in the first place.

[David Duff]

That would be "dispassionately" at £750 smackers an hour! Still, it's all in the great tradition of London where our skills at relieving the rich and stupid of their dosh, which began with the Arab oil zillionaires has now reached new heights of expertise.