I watched and listened, sort of, as the Governor of the Bank of England, Sir Melvyn, er, wotsiname - well , he is a bit forgettable - gave his report on the British economy - look, I'll not have any sniggering! - and answered questions from the dandruff-ridden hacks whose speciality is economics but who are, of course, no better nor worse than their down-market, 'sleb'-chasing associates. I think I can sum it all up in a phrase - SNAFU! For those unacustomed to military jargon that is 'Situation Normal All Fucked Up'. However, I think the emphasis should be on the word 'normal'. In effect, Sir Melvyn told us that this is how it's been for the last 5 years and so far as he can tell (Gallic shrug, peut-être?) we can all look forward to more of the same in the next 5 years, and no, since you ask (and the ratpack did ask and kept asking) there was sweet Fanny Adams that he could do about it whilst that rabble of garlic-chewing, sausage-eating, spaghetti-swallowing, paella-shovelling dimwits 'just over there' continued with their 'danse macabre' (une autre, peut-être?). Well, he didn't actually say that but, as a fearfully learn-ed student of Shakespearean verse, I can tell you that was the sub-text! Frankly, I was quite happy with that. Things aren't too bad and we all know, do we not, that if and when they get better the drunken sailors in charge of the nation will spend money they do not have in order to bribe us for our votes, and if the banks and bankers are kept busy concentrating on getting their borrowings under control then they will not have the time or wherewithal to gamble on their mad, cocaine-fuelled dreams of turning a sixpence into zillions overnight. Yes, by and large, I quite like bumping along in the middle, so, all together now, with me:
When it was up it was up, and when it was down it was down,
And when it was neither up nor down it was only halfway up!