Look, I'm sorry but there's no getting around it, when it comes to charmless, awkward, gaucheness no-one does it better than Andy Murray, plus, he is an incomprehensible Jock, as well. I have lost count of the number of times I have scrambled for the 'do-flicker-thingie' in order to switch over to 'Today in Parliament', or anything, really, just so long as I didn't have to watch this mumbling, shifty-eyed Caledonian with his pathetic 'beard' try for the umpteenth time to explain why he had failed to live up to the expectations of the Canary Wharf hacks, an expectation never shared by the rest of the country who rather like a good British loser, I mean, it's sort of a tradition now, isn't it? His foot-shuffling, darty-eyed awkwardness when faced with interviewers I can only put down to his childhood and those numerous occasions when, I suppose, he had to face that maniacal mother of his and explain why he came second - again! Well, I wouldn't want to face her and I have a hide like a rhino!
All of the above, of course, you will recognise as pure, unadulterated bile from Mr. Grumpy still suffering major dyspepsia having been forced to spend six weeks taking evasion action against non-stop incoming Olympics. So, on this happy, I repeat 'happy' (and that's a smile not a grimace!), occasion following Mr. Murray's win in New York I am going to try to shrug off my prejudice and tell it as it is. Anyone who plays tennis at the top level is, by definition, a great athlete, using that word in its widest sense as meaning a person with strength, agility, superb hand-eye co-ordination and the ability to think under severe pressure. I almost forgot the other usually unsung part of the requirement, the possession of grim determination to practice, practice, practice and then practice some more. All of those virtues Mr. Murray possesses in full. The fact that it has taken him so long to win a major championship and that on the journey he has suffered so many disappointments adds even greater lustre to his achievement today. I take back the sneers and the jibes of yesteryear and instead offer up not just my congratulations but my very genuine admiration.
As a small token of my new feelings I have resisted the urge to find a photo of him looking like a total plonker and instead found one which is rather charming. Well done, Andy, I always knew you could do it - yes, yes, I know, sheer humbuggery, but no-one does it better than me!