It's PowerPoint that won the Battle of Waterloo!

I have been racing - er, well, expending short bursts of energy - to try and finish my new, all-singing-all-dancing PowerPoint (PP) presentation on the Battle of Waterloo.  Yesterday a commenter called Jeff left a comment on an earlier post of mine and it transpires that he works for a PowerPoint design company in Canada.  Until now, I had reckoned myself the Cecil B. de Mille of PP designers but I suspect that Jeff's outfit have forgotten more about PP than I will ever know.  Even so, I have no hesitation in declaring my total and unstinting love for PP and the team of swots who dreamt it up in the first place.  It appeals to the latent (very latent) artistic side of my nature because colour, tone, shape, balance and movement all have to be considered along with sound effects if required.  Also there is a sort of theatrical element involved because you must limit the effect of PP's flair at those points during the presentation where you need the audience to listen to what you are saying.  In other words, PP can be a bit like acting with one of those prima donna leading ladies who will up-stage you at every turn - bitch!  Anyway, I love it and I can tell you that when I gave my last PP talk on the Battle of Midway and my little aircraft flew across the screen and bombed my little ships I was like a child of five at Christmas - and my audience loved it, too, after I woke them up to make sure they watched - well, it had been a good lunch!

But returning to Waterloo, again, just like Midway, I am struck by how luck? chance? fate? seems to play such a huge part in great events.  With the latter it was a couple of Jap recce planes being delayed by half an hour, and with the former it was a terrific mid-summer rainstorm on the Saturday afternoon and evening the day before the battle.  The rain 'stair-rodded' in for hours and allowed the British to make their escape up the road from Quatre Bras and on to the field at Waterloo.  The next morning Napoleon had ordered that battle commence at 09.00 but was advised that the ground was so sodden that artillery would be rendered ineffective.  Gunners firing round shot (canon balls) liked to achieve a skip and bounce effect which would provide you with a 'bigger bang for your buck' by taking out considerably more men.  Equally, the howitzer gunners knew that their exploding shells, instead of lying on the ground fizzing away until the fuse went off, would instead bury themselves in the mud and achieve very little.  As an ex-gunner himself, Napoleon appreciated the problem and so the opening 0f the battle was delayed by over two hours in order to give the ground time to dry out somewhat.  Those two hours turned out to be gold in the bank as far as Wellington was concerned because it gave his Prussian allies that bit more time to come in on Napoleon's flank and clinch victory.  Splendid chaps, those Prussians, won't have a word said against them, er, well, the 19th century ones, anyway. 

All of that old waffle was by way of telling you that I am giving my PP talk on Waterloo tonight and I am still frantically trying to put in last minute touches and tweaks - that's another problem with PP, you can never stop fiddling with it!  So I might be a bit busy for the rest of the day.

 

Comments

[dearieme]

Welly won the Battle of Waterloo, Waterloo, Waterloo
Welly won the battle of Waterloo 'cause the rains came atumblin' down.

Altogether now:

Welly won the Battle of Waterloo, Waterloo, Waterloo
Welly won the battle of Waterloo 'cause the rains came atumblin' down.

[David Duff]

Is that a genuine old rhyme, DM, or is it what you learned at your father's knee because I have it on good authority he was actually there serving with the 5th Gas, Light & Coke?

[Edward Spalton]

Hard pounding, gentlemen, Hard pounding
and we shall see who will pound the longer!

[H]

The other piece of fantastic luck for us was poor old Grouchy's miserable performance. Not to mention Blucher pushing on against advice, B being as mad as a hatter.

All in all, a splendid performance on all sides.

[dearieme]

The you tube version I can find has the wrong lyrics but the right tune.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY0G_S6ZrtE

[Whyaxye]

Your love of power point is indicative of the fact that you have never worked in management, and never been on the receiving end. It is very like round shot. Great fun to plan and let off, but very different when the bloody stuff is coming at you thick and fast.

[Jeff]

Thanks for the mention David!

[Andra]

How much would you pay my garden group if we let you come and talk at us?
How many bottles of wine would we need to survive a performance?
Would you feed us? We don't eat much but we do like a drop of wine from time to time, especially during very boring things.
Who holds the record for the number of those asleep at the end of a, cough, show? Is there a prize if we beat it?
Do you force them memsahib to attend or does she have something better to do?

[David Duff]

Edward, thanks for your DoW quote, here's another written in a despatch after he had inspected the battlefield filled with the dead and the dying at end of day:
Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won

Yes, 'H', Grouchy, despite urging from his aides did not 'march to the sound of the guns' - but he was only following orders. I suppose that is the art of Generalship, knowing when to disobey and use your initiative.

Thanks, DM

No probs, Jeff.

Andra, I could give your group a talk on gardening and, given my knowledge of the subject, it would end long before anyone could nod off. Actually, with my military talks I build in suitable sound effects, loud explosions, drum rolls, and so forth, designed to catch them out just as the chins start to hit the chests!

[David Duff]

'W', sorry, I missed a response to you. Indeed, my love of PP is indicative of the fact that I am a natural born bore of the first order with an opinion on anything and, as a (sort of) actor, a PP presentation is like a one-man show, and with my ego that's the sort of show I like!