Oh, come on, everybody enjoys a nice bit of good, vindictive gossip!

So follow me down to a little sandwich shop/cafe on Chicago's South Side and let me introduce you to Kevin DuJan.  He is bitchy in the way that only homosexual men can be.  Us heteros try it from time to time but come across as merely clumsy and insulting, but poofters can slip in an insult as sharp as a dagger and have you laughing as they do it.  Anyway, if you come with me and my new friend Kevin, well, we haven't actually met but, er, I'm lovin' him already, and not only will you be able to enjoy a "jerk chicken combo with extra “bodacious sauce” - no, me neither - but you will also meet The Think Squad.  This is Kevin's name for a bunch of, er, black folks (see, I'm picking up the lingo already!) who meet there informally every day for coffee and gossip.  Naturally, I was interested to hear their views on Obama, this being Chicago and them being black 'n' all (how's my accent?) and to say that I was gobsmacked is an understatement:

If you consider the Jesse Jacksons, Al Sharptons, and other “Justice Brothers” types on one side of the spectrum…the Think Squad is the polar opposite.  These are good people who openly talk about how terrible the Democrat community has been for black people for the last four or five decades and how Obama and his acolytes have made a great many things worse for blacks since he took office.  The Think Squad is not happy about the amnesty efforts for criminal Hispanics who broke American laws but are now able to push blacks out of work because of Obama’s intention to allow these people to become job-seekers in this dreadful economy.  As one person at the table noted by waiving her hand at the scene out the window, “What the Hell has gotten any better since he became President.  Where’s all that hope and change?  All I see is crime and trash”.

Crikey!  But it got worse, much worse:

The Think Squad confirmed what I’ve been hearing through friends whose families know Marion Robinson, the current “First Grandmother” and Michelle’s mother: the Obamas and those close to them are preparing to decamp to Honolulu, Hawaii and live out his post-presidency in the post suburb of Kailua.  This is Hawaii’s Beverly Hills.  The Think Squad had a great time mocking the hula and pretending to sip mai-tais and pina-coladas as they regaled me with all the things Marion’s been “bragging-on” about the house she expects to live in come January when the Obamas depart the White House and Marion comes with them.  They’ll still have servants, Secret Service guards, a chef, and almost all of the amenities they enjoy now.  But it will be a permanent vacation mode instead of the short bursts of paradise these people experienced on their many jaunts to Hawaii over the last four years before their usual return to Washington.  But now, they won’t ever have to go back to DC and Marion is especially gleeful that they won’t be coming back to Chicago ever, either.

And when it comes to voting in the next election, er, well, they probably won't!  Or at least, they will not be voting in anything like the numbers they did back in the good ol' Hope 'n' Change days:

The general consensus is that black people will keep voting Democrat in droves because that’s “just what we do” but that there is nowhere near the excitement levels of 2008.  ”People will not be lining up to do nothing for him in November ’cause he didn’t do nothing for us for four years”, any angry Think Squader told me from the other end of the table.  The mood indicated that black turnout would not be anywhere in the realm of 2008 and would instead sink down to more normal participation rates — which jives with everything you should be noticing in terms of enthusiasm for Obama across the board.  People are over Obama, like he’s a rapper who has not had a big hit in a while or a singer whose last few albums have bombed.  You still see people peddling the Obama tee shirts on the south side, “but you ain’t see nobody BUYING them, do you?”.  I was told to look closely at those shirts and see for myself that many of them were left over from years ago.  Nobody’s bothered to make up new designs for 2012 here on the Southside and the raggedy shirts for sale on the street corners are still sporting HOPE and CHANGE logos alongside the usual portraits of Obama’s disembodied head floating in glory with those of Dr. King, Malcolm X, and even, randomly, Tupak Shakur at times.

Yes, yes, I hear you complaining, but this is all the same-old-same-old political stuff - where's the bitchy gossip.  Well, you asked for it:

A good number of the Think Squaders don’t see too long of a post-presidency for Obama.  Some think he’s sick (with Parkinson’s, as we’ve talked about on this site for years) and others think he might even have HIV (due to his inexplicable weight loss).  ”He’s got the Slims and it shows”, somebody at the table said, drawing an awkward silence as a waitress walked around picking up trash while trying not to seem like she was listening to the boisterous group in the corner.  ”The Slims” is slang in Chicago’s black community for HIV/AIDS.  One in five black men in Chicago have HIV who engage in any sort of homosexual activity; this includes guys who are married and still fool around with men but don’t consider themselves bisexuals or “punks”, which is black slang for a gay man of color.

There was no doubt at the table that Barack Obama is gay and has been part of the “down low club” that’s incredibly common in big cities like Chicago where gay black men desperately seek to avoid being labeled as “punks” by taking a wife and creating a public sham of a marriage.  Normally, the woman in these relationships is somehow undesirable and difficult to deal with, which is why a straight man would not want to touch her. [...]

Some in the Think Squad believe that Obama will just come out when he ascends to that international stage in his post-presidency but others think he’ll never do that for fear of retaliation from Muslims.  It’s common practice for Muslim men to continue having relations with other males while manifestly heterosexual and married, especially if the wife in question is mannish and overbearing much like Michelle.  ”If you can’t see it just by looking at him, then you’re stupid” said one of my lunch mates today.  I 100% agree with that and will never understand how any of this is a mystery to Americans.  I guess they just don’t want to see Obama for who he really is and maybe never will.

Well, it takes one to know one, so they say, and to tell the truth I have often wondered about that sort of limp-wristed manner he has when he trots, all girly-like, down the steps of his plane - see, I can do bitchy gossip with the best (or worst) of them.

Anyway, time for another, er, jerk chicken sarnie and it was good meetin' you folks, 'n' all.  And, Kevin, sweetie, you are now my new best friend and I will be following you forever!

 

Comments

[dearieme]

But homosexualists are forever claiming that someone or other is a secret lemonade drinker. I suppose it's sometimes true, but surely not always.

P.S. Do you like my newly coined slang?

[David Duff]

I have seen the word used before but for the life of me I can't remember where - may have been one of the more old-fashioned writers in 'The Speccie,.

[JK]

Note from Editor: "same ☺' same ☺'" (in the case of monogamous homosexual couples). "Same ol' shit, different day" for the rest.

"Lemonade drinkers" is the nice term most often used by people who have their doors knocked at unreasonable hours by missionaries of certain sorts who avoid caffeinated (or alcohol containg) beverages.

Now. Where was I? Oh yes - listening to music.

http://social.entertainment.msn.com/music/blogs/reverb-blogpost.aspx?post=43a093ab-3a7a-487c-912e-3554840e101c

[David Duff]

Thank you, JK, I had read about that song.

[Dom]

Lemonade drinker? I think he's more a fudge eater.

[Hank]

David

When I was invited to sit with informal groups such as the think squad. . .

They sounded like a bunch of conservative white suburbanites of similar background, and very little like a group of liberal suburbanites but they were convinced the Democrats were the way to go and the Dems supported programs the Dems had rejected.

Of course that family was from originally Arkansas, so they may be atypical.

http://eclecticmeanderings.blogspot.com/
Hank’s Eclectic Meanderings

[JK]

"Suburbanites"!!!?

In Arkansas?!!!

Hank? Arkies haven't a clue what "suburbs" even are! (Well... me anyway.) True. We did consider Dems the bee's knees but that was waaay back in 2009. Ages ago.

Still, Our Democrats remain blue!

[JK]

Hank? That ending above may 'quire some e'splaining.

Jed Clampett you realize had to get Jethro to the bridge across the Mississippi on the way to Beverly. Jed, seeing where I-40 intersected I-55 exclaimed:

Hoooooo Doggy!

[Hank]

JK

For various reasons the family came came north in the 60's but always happy to say they were from Arkansas. Mostly living in big citys.

[JK]

Cities Hank, you mean like Batesville?

Lord knows I have trouble enough trying to make my way in a town with one stoplight, 500 boxes at the Post Office and 212 of those unrented - even though my town's city limit sign brags we've got 3047 (yeah Malcolm, you read that right) residents.

A'course if the Feds allowed counted guns in the Census we could probably up the number on our City Limit signs and qualify for as much as Chicago gets.

Don't know though I'd take too much for that - where I am now, blowing a firework or nine has yet to get me "asked" to leave this county and like I said, there's only the one of them Mad Dash! Damn thing's 'bout to turn Yeller! Only 'cause I don't like taking the chance of getting T-Boned in the intersection.

Still, I'd like clarification. Round here our local paper headlines like, "Granny So-'n-So Wins A Two Dollar Bill In the Greater Metropolitan Area Bingo Game."

Hank? First you mention 'suburbs' and now your typing 'big city' - you're joshing me k'rect?

Cain't be nothing bigger'n a two dollar bill outern the "metropolis" I already lives in - can there?