Worried about size, chaps? Not too keen on sharing the showers with your mates? Sneak quick looks at the bloke standing next to you at the urinals, do you? Turn round quickly and find the missus giggling? Well, I bring you Good News - well, good-ish. No, no, not one of those magical penis enlargers you see advertised which don't work - ooops, no, I don't know for sure, never tried one, wouldn't dream of it, don't need it, absolutely definitely . . . where was I? Ah yes, if you are, shall we say, small but, of course, perfectly formed then at least now you know why - it's all because of global warming.
Mark Steyn tells us so quoting from a story from CBS News:
According to the report, the study’s leaders claim to have bona fide research that says the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago.
The post on the study doesn’t say how the research was conducted or give numbers. But it does provide several reasons for the supposed shrinkage, including weight gain, stress, smoking and alcohol.
The report also says air pollution has been shown to “negatively impact penis size.”
They in turn, took the story from chacha.com:
A new Italian study of male sexuality has discovered that the average size of male genetalia has been steadily shrinking over the past several years.
- Male genitalia are roughly 10 percent smaller today than they were 50 years ago.
- Excess weight gain, particularly around the waist, is a contributing factor.
- Environmental pollutants in the air have been shown to negatively impact penis size.
- Stress, smoking, and alcohol intake also play a factor.
Ah, an "Italian Study"! That explains it. All those Italian lover boys are just reluctant to admit that they have shrunk through over-usage probably as a result of all those non-stop 'Bunga-Bunga' parties. So, nothing for us huge Anglo-Saxon chaps to worry about then.
Er, sorry, did you want to say something, Andra?
One video is all that is needed:
http://www.wcqj.com/howard-stern-small-penis-contest-full-video/
Posted by: Dom | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 13:43
It was with some trepidation, Dom, that I clicked on your link but, hey, thank you, I feel so much better about myself now! I really am - a stallion!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 14:26
The report also says air pollution has been shown to “negatively impact penis size.”
Very clean air here in Derbyshire.
Posted by: A K Haart | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 16:24
Clegg says new tax - £2 per inch per month.
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 16:47
Bragging agin, AK!
Really, 'Envelope', then they owe me ... ooops, no, didn't mean that ...
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 17:27
There's a problem with Clegg's new tax. It all depends on what you are thinking about when HMRC come round to measure it.
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 17:44
"Turn round quickly and find the missus giggling?"
If I turn round quickly, the missus has to step back to avoid the tip giving her a nasty slap.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 19:04
I can tell you with absolute certainty, 'Envelope', that at the sight, sound and smell of an HMRC officer my willy would shrivel to the point where they would have to pay me a rebate!
That's not what she tells me, 'W', she reckons you have to offer her a Finder's Fee!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 24 September 2012 at 20:21
I had a Sicilian friend who couldn't wear shorts due to his "donger" hanging out the bottom!
He declined underwear as he was one of those "let the babies hang free" types. Fairly common, especially up here in the tropics ... I subscribe to it myself but that's probably more information than you requested.
Joe was a most amusing man and his wife always had an extremely large grin on her face and they had 5 children so apparently all was well there.
Apart from that I'm still trying to ignore Naomi Wolf's vagina and that seems to be all the rage lately. Her fanny is all over the weekend papers (Murdoch, of course).
I've decided to ignore it all and concentrate on the latest Lee Child book ... at least in print Reacher is still 6' 5", which augurs well for his member I would have thought.
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 00:32
Don't know I mentioned it David but you have a clue what my Indian tribe named me when I achieved my Indian equivalent of adulthood at the tender age of 16?
No air pollution in the hills of Arkansas of course.
"JK Three Legs."
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 00:56
JK: I thought you were just known as Tripod.
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 06:40
I heard you were given the name because of the stick you needed to get home after a night in 'them thar hills with the stills', JK!
Andra you are entirely right to steer well clear of Ms. Wolf's vagina. One senses a distinct lack of exclusivity not to say privacy!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 08:37
"Tripod" when I'm with white folks Andra.
No David. It was only after my squish of 2002 I had to begin using the stick. Nowadays the Indians refer to me as "JK Three Legs With Extra Foot."
The new name's not so bad except it tends to make the younger generation of Indian maidens reluctant to sit on JK's lap!
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 10:46
They are obviously well-bred ladies of impeccable taste and discernment!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 12:18
They would be, were they to sit on my lap.
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 12:48
Churchill had an innovative idea to add to boxes of 10 inch long condom-like protective rubber sheaths designed to go over the barrels of British rifles when fighting in the arctic: "I want a label for every box, every carton, every packet, saying "British. Size: Medium". That will show the Nazis if they ever recover one of them, who's the master race."
Posted by: Andrew (2) | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 15:28
Whoa! Churchill authored fiction too?!!!
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 25 September 2012 at 18:44