The counter-revolution has begun and our glorious leader is Hendrik Pohl! Under his inspired leadership, at last, gentlemen, I can make the great announcement - the tie is back! That appalling, open-collared, Israeli politician look is dead and buried. From now on, no gentleman of taste and discernment will be seen without a tie - and not just any old tie, tied any old how, but a proper, elegant tie with exactly the right knot to fit the chosen shirt. (Let me warn you, Gentlemen, Hendrik is hot on shirts, collar fitting, collar shape and angle of cut, none of this escapes his eagle eye!)
You may read his expertise here where he analyses the respective dress sense of the two current presidential candidates. Alas and alack, he gives Obama a points lead over Romney:
Now I should confess my own bias in this matter - I am definitely a tie-man. I didn't used to be back in the days when I had to wear a tie but, given the vagaries of human psychology you will not be surprised to know that now, when I no longer need to, I can hardly wait for the opportunity to do so. And, I have become a bit of a mouth-foamer when I see our Prime Minister trying, unsuccessfully, to appear 'one of the boys' by going about his prime ministerial duties tieless. "Yob! Scruff! Phoney!" are the least of the epithets I hurl at the 'telly'. Can I really vote for a man who wears a suit and no tie - I think not!
Please do not think that I am a latter-day Beau Brummel. Normally, I shuffle around my village in scruffy cargo pants and T-shirts, "dogs bark at me as I pass" and elderly ladies tend to cross the street when they see me coming, but, when the occasion calls for it - what a transformation was there! My one and only suit is brought forth and a shirt is chosen. There then passes an excruciating hour or three whilst I agonise over which tie to wear. (I had a major throw-out of ties some time ago - yes, I wept! - and I am now down to about18 or 20 ties.) I should make clear that all of my ties are patterned or plain coloured rather than striped. (Happily, my old Brigade tie is a series of light blue Pegasus horses on a maroon background which goes with almost anything and is quite attractive, and as no-one knows what it means I don't have to explain it!) I must also confess, which might bring down the wrath of Hendrik my hero upon my head, that four of my favourite ties are plain-coloured knit ties with very old-fashioned, straight across ends to them. All the rage back when 'the colonel was a subaltern' but today, like their owner, a little passé - but I like 'em!
Finally, as I am now in the confessional, let me admit to one last piece of carefully unflamboyant flamboyance! I am, when full dressed, an aficionado of the carelessly tucked-in, floppy, foppy, top-pocket handkerchief. I have several and the colour must, simply must, darlings, not match but compliment or contrast with the tie! The world of fashion has hardly recovered from the shock of the published photo of me in my Long Johns and so I feel it unfair to publish a photo of me in my finery. And anyway, as I only appear in it about once every two years it might be some time!
Anyway, pop over to Hendrik's place and see an analysis of the Obama/Romney scrap that you will not read in the boring, lying MSM. Also, you will learn four different ways to knot a tie. To be honest, I can never quite get the knack of those diagrams which explain the 'right over left, left over right' and all of that, it's a bit like trying to follow Deogolwulf's philosophical arguments! But you lot are brainier than me - and also, whilst you're there you might just find the perfect Xmas present, er, for me, of course!
ADDITIONAL: 'Hendrik the Hero' informs me that he has opened a polling booth in which you can choose and then vote for the best tie for either of the two presidential candidates. Get over there now and choose your favourite choker!
http://www.tie-a-tie.net/blog/obama-vs-romney-necktie-vote/
You should also mention that the length of the tie as worn is absolutely critical. The tip should end just above the belt. Any longer and you look like a dog with an expensive lead. Any shorter and you look like a scruffy schoolboy.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Tuesday, 09 October 2012 at 21:37
Yes, indeed, and Hendrik points that out. Needless to say, I own several ties like that but I can't bring myself to ditch them 'cos I like them. It takes me about ten goes to get the thing right with the front tail just down to the belt and the long bit behind tucked into my trousers. God, I'm such a slave to fashion! I don't know why I bother because the only time I ever get to wear my 'finery' it is usually a wedding where invariably a fat lady stands in front of me and all you can see is the top of my nearly shaven head. Either that, or it's a funeral and there are never any photos there!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 09 October 2012 at 21:58
Four "different" ways to tie a knot David?
Truly NOT! There's only the one truly elegant knot any respectable wearer of ties should learn to tie.
http://deepseanews.com/2009/12/the-monkeys-fist/
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 09 October 2012 at 22:31
I'll bet you have a box full of those Pucci, Gucci, very, very wide and very colourful, abstract ties from the 60's!
Fess up now, Duff.
Posted by: Andra | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 00:01
Well it might look fine and dandy on a boat, JK, but not round my neck!
No, Andra, I never went in for those very much and such as I had went during the 'Great Throw Out'. I do have one dazzler from Duchamp-London but that is a memento mori given to me by the widow of a very old and dear friend who could have drunk for Britain at the Olympics - and I assume he was absolutely plastered when he bought it! I do wear it but only if I am also wearing a waistcoat in which I can hide half of it!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 08:35
A likely story!
Posted by: Andra | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 08:56
You mean it's you, and not - as I thought - John Major, who is the last man in England to wear a tie on Saturdays?
Posted by: Andrew Duffin | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 12:30
I can't bear the bloody things. If I wear one the shirt collar irritates my neck. Nor can I wear other neck-irritators e.g rollneck sweaters. Even crewnecks irritate me. I used to get round the problem by wearing cravats but my beloved threw them out on the grounds that "You are not one of The Few".
I didn't have this problem when young - it set in in my forties I suppose. Wot, I'd like to know, is the solution?
Posted by: dearieme | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 14:22
Ah but, Andrew, on Saturday I use my tie to hold my trousers up!
I'm afraid it's T-shirt yobbery for you, DM, as it is for me except on those rare occasions, usually births, burials or weddings, when I dress up.
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 14:38
"Well it might look fine and dandy on a boat, JK, but not round my neck!"
Well David, because I had, precisely your neck in mind, the only improvement I thought at least one of my fellow D&N Readers would surely suggest - "See here David, replace the small ball-bearing with say, an eighteen pound cannon ball" - then yes, we'd arrange your presence on Her Maj's yacht for a quiet evening out on the Thames!
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 10 October 2012 at 18:23
I can't stand teeshirts either. They too irritate my throat, at its base.
Posted by: dearieme | Saturday, 13 October 2012 at 18:56