Yes, indeed, my predictions for the future are beyond compare. Alright, so I mis-called a couple of presidential elections but, hey, what does it matter, once they're in office they mostly all turn out to be chumps so who cares who wins! But when it comes to the really important things, like the future of our planet, then I'm the man who calls it the way it will be.
For example, I have been issuing warnings for absolute ages about those noisy, inconsiderate neighbours across the other side of the Milky Way who keep getting drunk and throwing bits of builder's rubble across at us. I even, out of the kindness of my heart, offered this new alarmist cause to that sad bunch of derelicts squatting over at Deltoid who continue to cling, like shipwrecked mariners, to the flotsam of their global warming cause. I do realise, you see, that those sorts of people do have a psychological need for a really alarming end-of-the world scenario to make their otherwise dreary lives exciting - and it's the only way they can pull a bird at a party!
Anyway, they ignored my kind offer, in fact they sneered at it. But now, you see what I foresaw! This week an enormous lump of rock just missed us by a few thousand miles. In cosmic terms that's closer than a gnat's whisker but the neighbours, irritated by the miss, then sent over a shower of smaller rubble. Happily, they all landed in Russia - so not all bad, then! - in fact given that Russia is already mostly rubble I'm surprised they noticed. But never say I didn't warn you!
I have suggested to the sad little Climate Scientologists over at Deltoid that they take up this new alarmist cause in order to save themselves from further embarrasment given that their climate forecasts have proved to be rubbish. I have even given this new cause a name - Cosmic Rubble Against People, or, CRAP, as it will be known. Sorry, I didn't quite catch that . . .