Yes, truly, I fear for my old e-pal, JK, a true-born 'Arkie' patriot who, despite travelling the world courtesy of Uncle Sam, has always returned to his 'Arkie' roots, er, not least because they make damn fine hooch! Anyway, there are alarming reports to the effect that there is a brain-eating amoeba abroad in 'Arkie-land'. Known as 'Naegleria fowleri', this nasty little critter lives mostly in the water supply which is 'A Good Thing' because I am led to believe that water is not much made use of in Arkansas - it weakens the hooch and, well, what else would you use water for?
I have it on very good authority, although the media have yet to report on it, that one of the difficutlies facing the Federal virus-control authorities is that because the Naglieri fowleri concentrates its activities on eating brains it has hardly been noticed in Arkansas. So far only one 12-year old has been diagnosed with the symptoms and happily I can report that thanks to a new German drug she has been cured. Her worried parents, alarmed by her tendency now to goose-step everywhere, have been assured that it can be treated by minor surgery. Of course, this nasty little germ does not originate in 'God's Huge Acre', as Arkansas is usually known, but over the frontier in Louisana and Texas. In the 'Lone Star State', (trembling) fingers are being pointed at their nursing profession some of whom seem to spend more of their time checking the temperature of their home-made cassoulets rather than counting their patient's brain cells! (See comments thread, here.)
This nonsense has been brought to you by our syndicated, front-line reporter in the State of Zombieland!