Your bores today: David Thomas in The Telegraph has provided us with a list of those he considers to be today's outstanding snore-inducers, you know, the sort of people who were you to spot them in a pub not only would you consider moving from the Saloon Bar to the Public, you would think seriously of walking two miles through the rain to another pub altogether! Not being totally 'up' on today's slebs I didn't know all of them but certainly there were none amongst his choices with which I would disagree. I intend to start my own list today which I will add to as names occur to me, er, provided I don't fall asleep doing it! Also, of course, given that we suffer most of these bores via the TV you must remember that I suffer with the problem of knowing the face but never the name! Hence my first choice for Bore of the Day is:
a: That bland, fat, smoothy-chops, 'Oirish' bloke who hosts the Sky News morning show - oh, come on, you know who I mean . . .
b: President Obama - no wonder he likes playing with drones so much, the sound of them must remind him of his own speaking voice
c: Charles Dickens - although, to be fair, I haven't read him since I was fourteen and he then, thankfully, dropped off my school reading list. Soppy and sentimental with his cardboard cut-out villains - what an A1 crasher!
d: Richard Seymour - sole prop. of Lenin's Tomb and a man who can out-Stakhanovite Stakhanov, himself, in the production of streams - nay, rivers - nay entire oceans - of words in which stupidity and tediousness grapple together for prominence. He is about to publish a book entitled "Against Austerity". Does anyone anywhere know anyone who is actually in favour of austerity?
e: All male golfers - I exclude the ladies (and not only because the 'Memsahib' used to play) who, on the whole, do not go into excruciating details of exactly what went wrong with their chip up to the pin at the third hole. But blokes do! And then they go on from there to take you through the remaining fifteen holes, stroke by excruciating stroke.
f: Er, me, actually! - I have just reminded myself that I have been 'Boring for Britain' on this site since February 2005! It hardly bears thinking about - so moving on . . .
g: The entire Lib-Dem party conference - what a totally tedious, insipid, leaden bunch of bores they all are. I keep catching glimpses of them on the telly and instantly I feel my eyes drooping, my mind closing down and such vitality as I possess slowly draining away. At least there's a slight chance that we might see some spilled blood at the other two bore-a-thons.
h: The England football team - they are so boring even our hooligans can't raise the energy to brawl anymore.
i: Prince Charles - of course, how could I have forgotten him? Probably because, in a very Freudian way, I was desperately trying to! Fortunately, Ms. 'LibertyBelle' remembered and managed to remind me in the comments below before she fell asleep. He once admitted that he talked to his flowers but I didn't realise that it was because they paid greater attention to him than people do!
Further bores will be added later - watch this space - and suggestions are welcome
Why never to trust a government #1,289,372: "Let me name the ways" but on second thoughts it would take too long. However, this recent example will suffice. The government, in a burst of post-Thatcherist Thatcherism (sort of), is privatising the Royal Mail. However, desperate to maintain the nonsense of 'next day delivery of letters everywhere in the UK', an impossible task without doubling or tripling the cost of stamps, but equally desperate to be shot of the whole rotten edifice and all those pesky and expensive postmen, they are selling it off. However, to sweeten the pill they have agreed to maintain the VAT exemption enjoyed by the old Royal Mail which gives the new, so-called private entity a 20% advantage over its truly private competitors. Should any potential suckers be reading this as they contemplate buying shares, read again the title of this particular 'rumble'! The existing competitors have already launched legal action against this unfair distortion of trade.
Verily I say unto you: 'There will be more joy in heaven over one blogger who returns' and in this particular case, given that it is my old e-pal, A. K. Haart who has once again taken to the keyboard after idling the summer away thinking deeply on the issues of the day, that is double reason for celebration! Pay him a visit, apart from anything else he is always succinct and to the point unlike the sort of windbaggery you get here.
A Richard J. Bird is about to fly in: By which I mean, of course, that Mr. Bird, the author of Chaos and Life, is about to publish another book developing further his ideas on evolution. As you regulars already know, I am something of a scientific dummy but Richard Bird's explanation of this intensely tricky subject was not only comprehensible but also convincing. In essence, he says that if mutations, which are essential in development so that 'cruel nature' can act upon them, are truly random then there simply has not been sufficient time for them to develop to the sophisticated level they have achieved. He doesn't deny evolution but he does not accept the theory of zillions of microscopic and incremental changes that the likes of Dawkins propose. Anyway, he has promised to tip me off when publication is due so I will let you know.
Governor Scott Walker: Remember that name! He's the Republican governor of Wisconsin. He took on the massed battalions of his local Democrat party, their foot-soldiers in the public employee unions - especially the school teachers - and their place men, or 'place-wimmin', to be exact, in the judiciary. Against all these odds, and including having to refight his election under a recall procedure, he has won hands down. Last week, one of the teacher unions lost the right to pay-bargain on behalf of their members because, when asked under the provisions of Governor Walker's law, only 37% of them supported their own union! One will never go broke under-estimating the 'stoopidity' of the Republican party but this man should be ear-marked for greater things in the future. Remember - you read it here first!
Liberty Bell: No, no, not my new e-pal from http://libertybellediaries.com/, but her 'nom-de-keyboard' reminded me of a real pleasure I experience every Friday morning at 7.55am as I get in my car outside the swimming pool (where, of course, I go swimming every . . . oh, I've told you about that before have I? Right, moving on . . .) I switch on Classicfm and they play the Liberty Bell March by Souza - or the Monty Python theme tune, if you like. God knows why but it is the very best way to start your day - well, not every day perhaps, but once a week it's terrific! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7FD9PNpfpo
No more rumbles today