The Generals listened to Cpl. Duff: Back in January I wrote a post warning of the dangers we face from cyber attack. To be fair to the MPs of the Defence Committee, a rarity for me, I had merely endorsed a report that they had written urging the government to redouble the effort put into high tech wizardry in order to defend us from attack. Today, I am delighted to read in The Mail that the Defence Secretary, Philip Hammond, has gone even further and put £500 million into a new cyber attack force! My delight is somewhat tempered by my suspicion that £500 mill is loose change in the mega-bucks world of high tech systems but, still, it's a start. I am also pleased to see that in a rare moment of commonsense the army brass have lowered the normal minimum physical requirements for servicemen employed in this new arm in the almost certain knowledge that your average computer geek is not exactly SAS material! Being patriotic down to my Union Jack underpants, I am prepared to offer my services because, with all due modesty, I do think a steady bombardment of posts from this distinguished blog would soon have the enemy cowering in their bunkers and pleading for mercy!
Polar bears must be culled: It's all good news in the The Mail today even if it is late news. They have just realised, what was already becoming obvious, that the polar
bear population is increasing not decreasing, as the green swivel-eyed loonies would have us believe. It is imperative that we act swiftly, decisively and ruthlessly in defence of all those poor 'lickkle' defenceless 'fishies' who are being gobbled up in their millions by these great hairy brutes and so I am pushing for an immediate and large-scale cull. Apart from anything else, it will bring down the cost of fur and allow me to own a full length white fur coat which , apart from being the envy of all my friends, will prove very useful as the sun goes into one of its minima and 'this septic Isle' freezes over!
When you need a Jew you can never find one: I am in receipt of a steady stream of 'Funnies' from friends and aquaintances the world over some of which appear in my regular 'Monday Funny' post. This was sent to me by a friend and whilst it isn't funny enough to feature tomorrow I thought it was worth reproducing for its sardonic, and obviously Jewish, humour:
The commanding officer at the Russian Military Academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on 'Potential Problems and Military Strategy'. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were questions.
An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war? And
will Russia take part in it?"
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"
The general replied, "All indications point to China." Everyone in the audience was shocked.
A third officer remarked, "General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"
The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment: In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer from the back of the auditorium asked, "Do we have enough Jews?
Rockwell rocks: A long and fascinating essay on Norman Rockwell - 'fascinating' that is, if like me you admire his artistry enormously - by Deborah Solomon in the Smithsonian magazine. (Incidentally, I forgot to mention that this sub-post and the one above come courtesy of the ever-excellent Arts & Letters Daily.) In retrospect, I think Rockwell's illustrations, as he insisted on calling them rather than paintings, influenced my view of America as much as Hollywood ever did in my youth, and those influences remain with me even in my cynical old age.
This one, The Problem We All Live With, is famous for showing the daily walk undertaken by Ruby Bridges, the first black girl to break the colour segregation in New Orleans's schools. Looking at it, I couldn't help wondering if the child-level view Rockwell provides was any influence on Stephen Spielberg when he directed his terrific film, ET? And if you dismiss Rockwell as too schmaltzy then I urge you to read the Wiki entry for Ruby Bridges which tells a true story with a happy ending.
They think you're muppets, and they're right: Er, well, of course, not you who read this blog, no, no, no, that alone qualifies you as shrewd, intelligent, perceptive and discerning, never likely to have even a strand of wool pulled over your eyes! No, I mean all those other muppets who fall for the gold dust, made in Birmingham, or more likely these days in Shanghai, which our less than glorious leaders toss to you so that you will love and adore them. So we have the vomit-inducing sight of the 'Cleggon' promising to feed 'likkle kiddie-winkies' when they're at 'skool' irrespective of whether or not it was Daddy's Bentley that dropped them of; and then the 'Milipede' swearing on a stack of, um, well, Labour party manifestos, actually, 'cos no-one could find a bible, that he would freeze energy prices for two years because they were outrageously high even though he, personally was responsible for forcing them up in the first place! And then, trotting along at the rear, wagging his tail, and with his plump chops quivering with excitement, we have 'Dim Dave' offering maried couples a teensy-weensy tax break. So whose bribe you gonna take, suckers?!
It's true, I don't know what I'm talking about: Well, at least on the finer points of Congressional wrangling in Washington I do confess my ignorance. I can only report that as seen from 'over here' it looks like the Republican party are crammed into one of those old, 1950, American sedans with someone's foot flat down on the accelerator, and someone else hauling on the handbrake, and several people fighting for control of the steering wheel as they pull it this way and that. Will they succeed in defunding the hated Obamacare? Nah! Not a chance! Will they succeed in closing down the government, assuming anyone can define precisely what that means? Another, 'nah'! So what are they trying to do? I don't know, I told you, I haven't a clue what I'm talking about!
No more rumbles today