Our poor, decrepit, old, 'septic Isle' has suffered a couple of slaps in the kisser just recently. First, President Hollande of France told us that our prime minister had made a childish error in consulting parliament on the Syrian nonsense and our role was thus diminished. He, with his superior Gallic wisdom, has now stationed himself, French poodle-like, at the heels of the biggest collection of dimwitted idiots the White House has seen in half a century. So good luck with that, François, and don't forget to stand to attention when the real president of Europe retakes her throne in the next few days!
Then we had 'Vlad the Impaler' telling us that we are a tiny Island off the coast of Europe and that no-one listens to us anymore. Well, 'Vlad', to be honest, given the third-raters currently running my country I am glad that no-one is listening to us. Even so, on the whole and taken in the round, I would rather be ruled by third-raters I have the chance of changing every five years than be ruled by a bunch of murderous kleptomaniacs like your particular gang of thugs. It is only a matter of time before your ragged, bagged and shagged country collapses into turmoil - again! We, on the other hand, will, in our stumblebum fashion, totter on sedately weathering our storms with reasonable decency and compromise.
Having said that, however, we should not ignore the truth behind those two insults. Cameron did make a "schoolboy error" because, of course, he's really just a grown-up schoolboy, and a fairly dim one at that. Perhaps the worst aspect of his dimness is the now all too obvious fact that he is not learning from his mistakes. All three parties desperately need some fresh talent at the top but the Tories, given that their chances of winning the next election have risen, not on their virtues but the clod-hopping stupidities of the others, really must indulge themselves and provide us with the visceral amusement of a 'night of the long knives'! 'King' Cameron is dead, long live . . . ?
Also, 'Vlad' was right on the button in reminding us - because it must be obvious even to the deaf, dumb and blind - that Britain has virtually no influence over anybody. That tends to cause a great deal of wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst our ruling classes, particularly amongst the mandarins in our dearly beloved (not!) 'Office for Foreigners'. Personally, I greet the news of our diminished role in international affairs with a cheer and a raised glass and a shout of 'good riddance to bad rubbish'! Instead of concerning ourselves with Bongo-Bongo-land or its equivalents elsewhere, let us - goodness me! - concentrate on ourselves! Let us - and I can already hear the sound of dropped tea cups - copy the Germans! Admittedly, they're not too bright because it took two world wars before they learned the great truth that a country will have much more real influence whilst becoming much wealthier if it concentrates its efforts on commerce. We used to know that back in the 19th century but somehow, somewhere, it was forgotten.
And whilst I am on the subject of insults may I join hands - after putting on my rubber gloves! - with 'Vlad the Impaler' when he gives our American friends a good kick in the 'exceptionals'! It is only because I like America as much as I do that I have refrained from telling them what a bunch of pillocks they sound when they go on and on about "American exceptionalism". Hello! Hello, America! Are you getting this - there is absolutely nothing, not a single, solitary thing that is exceptional about you or your country. Of course, you have institutions and modes of behaviour that are peculiar to your society - but so does absolutely every other society on the globe! So, please, just shut the you-know-what up and please, or perhaps I should say, 'pur-lease', stop going on and on about "American exceptionalism", you're in danger of embarrassing your friends and making prats of yourselves!