One of those glum, nothing-of-anything days today, neither hot nor cold, dull grey cloud from horizon to horizon, can't quite rain but wants to, you know the sort of thing, so I don't suppose you wage slaves are feeling too cheerful as you contemplate the coal face for another week. So this will cheer you up - or maybe not!
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short
skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store and noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please!" the man says.
The shop assistant climbs up the ladder to reach the raisin bread on the very
top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he hoped.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he would really like two loaves.
She retrieves the second loaf of bread and descends the ladder; one
of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf
of raisin bread. After several trips she is tired and irritated and begins to
wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread today?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and notices an
elderly man standing in the crowd of gathering customers. Thinking that she can
save herself another trip, she yells down to the elderly man, "Is it
raisin for you, too, Sir?"
"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
Yes, yes, I know, you're feeling even worse after that one but, dammit, I tried! Here's another:
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and
take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
The first dwarf, how-ever, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ..... UGH! "
" Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!"
"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!"
This goes on for the whole hour.
Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head.
"You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed."
Well, if the first was age-ist and the second was dwarf-ist, this one is Muslim-ist!
A Muslim dies and by some error in his handling ends up in Heaven.
He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says:
"Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven".
"What?" replies the Muslim, "and why not"?
"Well, we just don’t!! and that's it, we're short on Virgins".
The Muslim complains and carries on until St Peter gets fed up.
"Well," says St Peter, "have you ever done anything good in your
"Ummm", the Muslim replies, "Yes, the other day a lady stopped me on
the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten pounds.
Last week I donated ten pounds to the Cancer Society, and a couple of weeks
ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money
so I gave him ten pounds too"!
"Alrighty then," says St Peter, "wait here and I'll have a quick word with God".
Five minutes later St Peter returns and says to the Muslim.
"Listen, I’ve spoken with God and he agrees with me ..
Here’s your 30 quid back . . . now fuck off!!!"
Quite appalling, I know, all in the worst possible taste, and I sincerely hope none of you sniggered!