Sorry to return to this tedious subject but I am somewhat taken aback by something I thought impossible, that is, an increase in my detestation of the 'il-Lib-non-Dems' (iLnD). As we all know by now, Lord 'Fatboy-not-so-slim' Rennard has been accused by four 'iLnD' ladies of 'inappropriate behaviour'. I have been searching for the details of this 'inappropriate behaviour' because you need only consider the all-encompasssing nature of the accusation to realise that it could be something or nothing.
Lord 'Fatboy-not-so-slim' Rennard The delicate and no doubt fragrant Ms. Susan Gaszczak
I should make clear, I suppose, that like just about every man I have ever known, I, too, have been guilty of 'inappropriate behaviour' towards ladies, although, to be honest, at the time I thought it was entirely appropriate! True, the five pints of 'black 'n' tan' I had usually consumed prior to these events might have clouded my judgment at the time but I did learn, the hard way, from the ladies concerned that I had over-stepped the mark, but the bruising usually faded after a few days! And again, to encompass the whole range of possibilities inherent in this sort of situation, there were also times when my behaviour turned out to be entirely appropriate - ding-dong! But of course if you don't steer through the seas of ap- or inap-propriate behaviour risking a torpedo as you go you will never reach the haven (or heaven!) of a safe shore. [That's enough metaphorics, just calm down! Ed.]
So, in my search for the dirty details the most I have found is a report in the Bedfordshire News, the local paper for Ms. Susam Gaszczak, one of the, er, 'victims' of 'Fat-boy-not-so-slim' Rennard. I should warn delicate readers that the ravages Ms. Gaszczak went through make for very tough reading:
Ms Gaszczak, who now sits with Lord Rennard on the party’s federal policy committee, says that at the event his (Lord Rennard’s) hand started to rub the outside of her leg. She claims that when she moved away he kept getting closer and was brushing parts of her that she ‘didn’t want to be brushed’.
When she excused herself to go to the toilet, she says he followed her and said: ‘Why don’t we get a couple more drinks sent up to my room, where we can continue this conversation?’
Golly-gosh, I bet they were all sobbing in The Guardian newsroom when they read that catalogue of horrors! It is obvious to me that Ms. Gaszczak must be in need of urgent counselling. However, I can't help wondering if Ms. Gaszczak would have been more, or less, upset if 'Fat-boy-not-so-slim' had said something along the lines of 'God, you're a boring, politics-obsessed, A1 crasher and I'd rather shag Shirley Williams than you'.
Anyway, chaps, there's a lesson in this for all of us, never, ever, stand closer that six feet to an iLnD woman and do not under any circs offer to buy her a drink. The bad news is that she might not be much of a date, but the good news is that at least she'll be cheap to take out!