Are men becoming (even more) juvenile? I ask because two of the chaps who regularly appear in these distinguished columns keep referring to their ladies as, respectively, "Fluffbun" and "Honey Pie". For God's sake, chaps, man up! A respectful title such as 'Memsahib', or even better if you are guiltily aware of some misdemeanour, "Your majesty", is quite sufficient.
'That other woman' scores again: According to The Telegraph, Mrs. May has encouraged her new International Development Secretary to use the £11 'squillion' quid which Dave 'n' George gave away to sundry African/Asian 'gangstas' as "leverage" to encourage them to sign new trade deals. Of course, "leverage" is Whitehall-speak for bribery but what can one say except 'jolly good show'!
Nelson wept: Yesterday, someone spotted a tear trickling down the face of Horatio Nelson as he stood patiently on his column in Trafalgar Square:
Apparently he had just heard the news that the Royal Navy's entire fleet of Type 45 Destroyers was tied up in the docks. They cost about a billion quid each and are packed full of the latest gizmos to offer Her Majesty's grateful subjects protection from air attack. A 'spokesidiot' insisted that it had nothing to do with the unfortunate fact that most of their engines failed to work properly when on duty in the Persian Gulf. Must have bought them from 'Duff Motors'!
The man's a nutter or a netter! I have just watched some poor man who is obviously suffering with severe brain damage collected over his years as a Hollywood stuntman who jumped from a 'plane at 25,000 feet without a parachute and who landed in a net! I assume that in several of his previous jumps he landed on his head! Had it been me, I suspect my poo would have hit the net long before I did!
I want you to consider closely Hillary's tongue: Oh come on, try, I know it's the stuff of nightmares but Mr. Lifson of The American Thinker has recently made it his life's work!
That is definitely a hole in her tongue. Is it, one wonders, the route by which all those lies slip out? Mr. Lifson, quoting others, suggests it might be the result of a biopsy which, along with her constant throat clearing might make one wonder about her health.
The day I led the German Grand Prix: I may have mentioned this before - sorry, did you say something? - but I once led the German Grand Prix round the Hockenheim circuit. No, I wasn't driving a Ferrari or a Mercedes, I was actually behind the wheel of a Ford Transit van - yeeeeees, quite! Behind me on a trailer was a vintage BRM racing car once raced by Jackie Stewart. Also on the trailer were two lovelies, the 'Memsahib' and her best friend, waving to the crowd and throwing samples of Yardley's after-shave to them because that was what we were promoting. It was a thrilling drive but in the end I had to pull into the paddock because all those 'Flash Harries' wanted to race around in those silly cars. Anyway, today's race was won by that frightfully decent black chap, Lewis Hamilton, who is a credit to England - and it stuck it to all those Huns - Heh! Heh!
No more rumbles today