It is exceedingly irritating that really intelligent, knowledgeable savants like me - sorry, did you say something? - will never make it in politics. When I view the collection of buffoons, phantasists, fruit cakes, born again liars and total dipsticks who fill our parliamentary benches, it is truly amazing that the people have not risen and in one mighty voice called for me to take over. Frankly, I can't help thinking that they just don't deserve me!
All of which brings me to those rank amateurs, the 'Kippers', who, en masse, constitute the UKIP party. I may not have what it takes to be a politician but they have even less! The deeply unpleasant fact that I have faced and which your average 'Kipper' needs to face is that professional party politics, or at least, successful professional party politics, is a highly skilled occupation requiring enormous practice (er, that's bad practice, of course), the ability to keep, or appear to keep, several fake balls in the air at once whilst simultaneously smiling, smiling, smiling! Alas, the 'Kippers', bless their cotton socks, are just ordinary people with ideas above and beyond their abilities to implement them, just like me, really!
That said, of course, it is also necessary to add that they did achieve something quite revolutionary. In the same way that, back in the day, the sans culottes in France managed to chop the head off a King, so to the 'Kippers' by means of their sheer mass managed to 'chop' the head of a Prime Minister and the fact that it was a fairly empty head should not diminish their victory. Even so, just like the French example, having achieved their main objective the 'pros' moved in and took over from the 'ams' - it was ever thus! So, yesterday at the by-elections we saw UKIP run headlong into a political brick wall and finish second behind even Jezza's shambles of a political party.
The message is clear in the words of the old song, "It's all over, it's all over". Don't think I'm not deeply grateful because I think 'Nige' should be smothered in ermine and medals and his statue should be erected in Parliament Square facing the Commons not least because, alas, that is about as close as he or his fellow 'Kippers' will ever get to the House of Commons which will remain packed with the usual loathsome lot of lying liars.
It was ever thus!