O God, I cringe before you to ask for a bit of a favour, well, you do owe me given that I used to cut the grass in your Churchyard, so now it's pay-back time! You see, there are certain matters which are constantly repeating themselves over and over ad nauseum and I really can't stand much more of any of them. Therefor, could you kindly see your way clear to bringing the British election to a halt? It's perfectly obvious who is going to win so just wave your magic wand and install 'St. Theresa of May' into No. 10 and let the rest of us get on with our lives.
Secondly, I would be awfully grateful if you could just 'disappear' 'Pippa' Middleton and her appalling wedding because I am so sick and tired of my newspaper being full of it. They even have a double spread on the subject of the toilet arrangements - and all I want to do is be sick in one of them! And whilst we are on Royal matters, if I never see another mention of Harry and his bit of American popcorn, I might - just might - drop a couple of quid in the Church box.
Then, whilst you're at it, perhaps you could 'vanish' all mentions of Donald Trump but in particular remove every single photo of him because he has one of the ugliest, creepiest faces since, er, well, since 'HillBilly', actually and I understand that all over the world young children, and elderly British gents, are developing traumas from seeing his peculiar face reproduced day after day after day.
Finally, O Lord, could you just end the football season - NOW! Each year it goes on and on and on and if I see another incomprehensible foreign football coach on my 'telly' explaining in broken English why his multi-zillionaire 'cloggies' couldn't pass wind let alone a football, I may go homicidal!
Thanking you in anticipation.
My Child,
I have already given you Brexit and the comedy routine of the Labour Party imploding, so don't push your luck.
Yours,
God.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 17:23
Er..
God follows West Ham so Good Luck with the last one.
(I know God loves the 'ammers cos He gave them a free stadium and when they played a ineligible player for a season, whose goals kept them up in the Prem, they weren't relegated two divisions like Stoke would have been.)
Posted by: 660.000 miles | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 17:27
The culture sure has changed since the death of Winston Churchill.
Posted by: Whitewall | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 17:34
Speaking of change, this sow has become intolerable: "German Chancellor threatens “consequences” if UK caps EU immigration following Brexit"
Posted by: Whitewall | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 18:18
Dear God,
Please choose someone else.
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 19:09
I wonder what God thinks of diversity.
Posted by: Uncle Mort | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 20:24
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10209000503557351&set=gm.1896210323981238&type=3
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 22:10
Shalom TBH
Your post reminds me of the old joke of the Rabbi looking skywards, arms outstretched, imploring "G-D I know you said we were the chosen people but how about picking on someone else for a while".
Posted by: AussieD | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 02:17
God says you can't have it both ways, David:
http://duffandnonsense.typepad.com/duff_nonsense/2016/08/im-for-trump.html
Or was it Beelzebub? Sometimes it's hard to tell them apart.
Posted by: Bob | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 03:41
The Graun isn't your cuppa tea, but hold your nose and try this ...
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/18/conservative-manifesto-theresa-may-mayism
I agree with its factual observations. Mayism is Blarite third way writ large. It abhors one "left socialism", two "right libertarianism", so it is three "cloaked socialism". Did I just hear on the Today program the May motto "There's no I in team"? When accompanied by "If you're a citizen of the world, you're a citizen of nowhere", we see the new dark age intent of Mayism: To make a Blarite Gulag out of Britain. An authoritarian collective that you can never leave. The border controls, "taking back control" of immigration, cut both ways: Emigrants as well as immigrants.
Where I might disagree with the article is in its judgement that Mayism is merely "skin deep" in the Tories. Underneath lies a vast ocean of Thatcherism bursting to get out. Dream on. Thatcherism, individualism, and libertarianism were a one off aberration in British politics and culture, immediately stabbed in the back by the mainstream Tory pols and demonized by a nation of authoritarian collectivists.
Welcome to the new dark age.
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 08:36
Sort of completely off topic. Duffers some time ago you mentioned a book on the counter-terrorism action against the IRA. Was it Secret Victory: The Intelligence War That Beat the IRA by William Matchett?
If not what was the book you read and have you read this one?
Posted by: AussieD | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 10:48
No, AussieD, but thanks for the tip. The book that opened my eyes was "The Operators: Inside 14 Intelligence Company" by James Rennie. Terrific and written by an insider. By the way, hope the Missus is well on the way to recovery.
Posted by: David Duff | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 11:20
Thanks for the name of the book. I'll go shopping. SWMBO is, according to the medico, doing well. High as a kite on "yippy juice" and alternating between sound asleep and wanting to get out of her bunk and come home. Going to be at least another week before they will even look at that.
Meanwhile the dogs and I are doing as we please - sort of.
Posted by: AussieD | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 11:47
A summary of that book
http://quadrant.org.au/magazine/2017/04/heroes-dirty-war/
Posted by: AussieD | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 11:49
SoD,
The political situations here and in the UK are always only roughly parallel, but Mayism resembles Clintonism in that it's an attempt to build a permanent majority by capturing "the center" through often cynical triangulation. There's a good chance it will be just as successful.
Posted by: Bob | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 15:01
Bob,
You're right, of course May will fail.
What's even more worrying is the Brit people and pols will blame "not enough collectivism and authority", and the other lot will get in and apply even more "collectivism and authority" until oblivion. This is the same "race to the bottom" that was the the period 1945-75, at the end of which Blighty went as bust as Greece, was bailed out by the IMF, and went cap in hand to the EU.
What was it Einstein said? "The definition of madness: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result".
But what kind of degree of madness must you have if you do something over and over again and fail, and then ignore, nay demonize, the one decade in which you did something different and everything turned around and went right - the decade we had Thatcher in power and joined the EU?
Psychopathic. That's it, I'm surrounded by psychopaths on this effing island, I tell you.
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 19:51
SoD,
Einstein, who was a socialist ( https://monthlyreview.org/2009/05/01/why-socialism/ ), would probably tell us political self-destruction is a basic building block of the universe. Would you care to trade May for Trump?
Posted by: Bob | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 21:25
Dear old Albert wasn't around long enough to see the experiment fail once, let alone as many times as it has been tried.
May for Trump? I "vomit in my mouth a little" at the very choice.
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Saturday, 20 May 2017 at 09:14