(Yes, yes, I know the date is wrong but I'm not daft enough to forecast what will happen this year, I might get it wrong and you would all begin to doubt my wisdom - and I heard that!)
JANUARY: Donald Trump will admit that s/he is transgender, er, although s/he is not too sure in which direction but whatever "It's gonna make America great again!".
FEBRUARY: 'Mutti' Merkel and Mrs. May resign and run off together to Richard Branson's tropical Island to cavort, topless, on the beach. (Oh the horror, the horror!)
MARCH: Jeremy Corbyn, Dianne Abbot and Emily Thornberry resign their positions and go off to live as a threesome in a yurt at Glastonbury.
APRIL: On the first of April, appropriately, the United States of Europe will be proclaimed.
MAY: On the first of May, Spain invades Catalonia, Sardinia invades Italy, Germany invades everywhere and France surrenders.
JUNE: 'Fat Boy Kim' inspects his very latest rocket and whilst sitting on the nose of it being photographed some rascal lights the blue touch-paper and now he's in orbit.
JULY: Our good ol' buddy, JK, signs the Pledge and Barney Magroo goes broke!
AUGUST: President Macron marries his wife's mother who is 93 but, as he puts it, "A woman is like a fine wine, the older the better!"
SEPTEMBER: Jean-Claude Juncker follows the example of 'JK' and he too signs the Pledge. The entire Calvados region slumps into bankruptcy.
OCTOBER: Icebergs disrupt shipping in the Mediterranean and Michael Mann blames global warming.
NOVEMBER: Hillary Clinton decides to join 'Mutti' Merkel and Mrs. May in a ménage à trois. Photos are forbidden world-wide.
DECEMBER: President Trump undergoes major surgery for a hair transplant operation.