A particularly fine assortment of 'funnies' to keep your spirits up as you labour away at the coal face whilst us old retirees enjoy our second cup of tea!
The first selection is American orientated but if you're a Brit just substitute 'Zummerzet' for the American states - and you don't have to change the accent that much either!
Did you hear about the guy from Kentucky who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow?
But she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go 'head."
How can you tell if a Kentucky redneck is married?
There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas....... If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout wut?"
Did you hear about the $3 million Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books- poof! -- up in flames and he hadn't even finished colouring one of them.
A new law recently passed in Kentucky:
When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL brother and sister.
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
A man goes into a doctor's office feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure, so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320. Then he gets the full house and wins $5,000. Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too, getting $780,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says. 'Man, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest bastard on Earth!'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24'.
'Shit!’ says the bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle as well’.
Right, that's your lot and just remember you can never do enough for a good boss!