In these dire times as floods swamp the south coast, what a comfort it is to know that we have a Non-Environment Agency! We have already learned from the flooded locals in the Somerset Levels that under the malignant infuence of the 'Green Slime' the Environment Agency refused to dredge the rivers, one of the reasons being that it might harm a bird sanctuary. Today we learn, via the Daily Telegraph, that their Lordships were told by the Environment Agency that they could not possibly protect the rail line at Dawlish until they had conducted a detailed assessment into any possible interference with an existing bird sanctuary nearby. Consequently, as we all now know, Devon and Cornwall are, in effect, cut off from rail links to the rest of the country because the Dawlish track has been swept away.
I am always one to be positive in adversity and to try to think of sensible measures to avert such catastrophies in the future. Thus, I suggest that the flooded residents and the businesses suffering huge losses because of the floods and the non-protection of the railway line should mount a class action against the Environment Agency. Second, I would urge all gun owners, and little boys with catapaults, to form large posses in the south west with the aim of shooting dead every single bird they come across! Of course, the 'Green Slime' will come out of the woodwork to protect their 'lickkle fluffy birdies' so there will be a bonus for anyone who can bag a brace of them,too! (In this instance, I gather, natterjack toads are not the problem here but the 'Greenie Slime' frequently use them as an excuse for their idiocy in other places so there will be bonus points awarded for every 'toad in the hole'!)
Lord Smith of Finsbury A natterjack toad
Head of the Environment Agency