Now I do realise, given the Antipodean readership of this blog, that I'm taking my life in my hands raising one of my supercilious eyebrows in the direction of 'down under there' but I must confess that this article by Ms. Clarissa Sebag-Montefiore took me slightly by surprise. It seems that Perth, a town I had always assumed was somewhat similar to Bournemouth, is actually the shagging centre of Australia, if not the world!
PERTH, Australia—“What kind of girl would you like? Narrow it down for me. … Yeah, I've got a nice blonde. Young, size 8, double D. You won’t be disappointed.”
It is 2 a.m. on a Sunday in the back room of Langtrees, the best-known brothel on Australia’s west coast. Lana, the mumsy phone operator, places down the handset and puts on her specs to peer at her computer. She points to a profile photograph showing only an enormous pair of breasts. “Bridgette Blue. She’s 23.” She pauses and raises her eyebrows. “Natural.”
Bridgette is soon at the door. She wears gold sparkly stilettos, red lipstick, and thick foundation disguising poor skin. Her brown eyebrows are painted on, and her long, blond, Barbie-doll hair is curled and slung to one side. For 495 Australian dollars (about $400) per hour, Bridgette will come to your home or hotel for sex.
Good grief, that sounds expensive! Is that the going rate these days? I suppose the only thing you can say about it is that it makes marriage look fairly cheap! Anyway, according to Ms. Sebag-Montefiore, well, to be accurate, the first few paragraphs because I became rather too excited to read further, Perth is surrounded by the mining industry and the place is packed with young miners looking for somewhere to, er, park their picks, if you follow my meaning!
What can one say? Except possibly to, er, stand to attention, as it were, and sing the Aussie national anthem:
Australians all let us rejoice
For we are young and hard
We've golden girls and wealth for shags,
And all as cheap can be:
Our land abounds in female gifts
Of beauty rich and rare,
In history's page let every stage
Show Aussie strippers bare
Well done, Australia, jolly good show! I wonder if our tight-wad government still pay chaps £10 to emigrate? Might be worth thinking about . . .