A truly shocking report has just been released by the RSPTB based on years and years of research by some deadly serious swots from Cambridge. They have discovered that working in an office could shorten your life span! And no, they don't mean that you might die of blood poisoning if you accidentally pin your finger to the desk with a stapler - please be serious! Research shows (to quote a phrase!) that a sedentary office job will increase your chances of dying of heart disease, cancer and galloping piles.
Also, staring at the tits of that gal in the green sweater could make you go blind.
The RSPTB insist that to prolong your life it is essential to undertake an hour of exercise a day. Of course, if you go for a run you might get run over by a No. 15 bus so take care. In addition, a regime of weight lifting might induce an undue strain on muscles and skeletal frame, so only lift one file at a time.
I would add some further health warnings. Getting up in the mornings can be bad for you, you never know what you might come across outside the haven of your bedroom. Also, breathing can be highly dangerous, you have no idea of the muck and filth you take into your body! So my advice is for you to stay in bed and stop breathing, apart from anything else it will save the paramedics from carrying you upstairs and depositing you on the bed ready for the undertaker.
Sorry ... what was that? Ah, what's the 'RSPTB'? A very distinguished body of scientists known as the Royal Society for the Preservation of Total Bollocks!