"Try and look on the bright side of life, de-da, de-da, de-da-de-da-de-da!

I seem to have been tripping over depressives recently.  First, there was the 'Happy Feminist - not', but who is at least more cheerful now since she whacked me with her handbag.  Then there was the 'Bondbloke' who belies his macho nom-de-keyboard by appearing to be utterly feeble if anyone criticises his rotten non-poetry.  So I am doubly grateful to that 'Newky tyke', Will, for finding this obituary which is, I'm afraid to say, as hilarious as it is sad.  If you're feeling low, read this and cheer yourself up!

Comments

[The Happy Feminist]

Reading about another person's suffering certainly is a pick-me-up. But I think I prefer whacking you with my handbag -- which by the way is made of metal and has spikes.

[The Happy Feminist]

I know I am going to regret this in the morning, but I de-banned you. (See Happy Feminist De-Bans Grumpy Old Man).

Don't if you have had your fill of being whacked, but I suspect you secretly like it.

[Backword Dave]

Do the words "insensitive pillock" mean anything to you, David?

[The Happy Feminist]

Ooh, I just read the comments thread at Bondbloke. Might I suggest that you are perhaps "unhealthily obsessed" with those you deem "unhealthily self-obsessed?"

At least, you don't direct this criticism at women only. So you get some props for being an equal opportunity heel!

[David Duff]

Well done, 'Happy', you're a decent chap - ooops, no you're not, I mean you *are* but you're not ... oh hell, you know what I mean!

Yes, 'Dave', *they* do and *I* am! Although I'm not sure about the "pillock" bit. My history is not conducive to the fine and sensitive feelings that are so treasured these days. I remember when I was in the army and one of our platoon rushed into the room crying because he'd received a 'Dear John' and was scrabbling amongst his kit for a toggle rope to hang himself with. Immediately half a dozen ropes flew through the air and he snatched them up and went off in the direction of the latrine block. A great argument broke out as to who was going to be the one who 'discovered' his body because the barrack-room lawyers had it that anyone who discovered a suicide body was entitled to a free discharge.

And anyway, what about my feelings? 'Bondbloke's' poetry is crap!

[Backword Dave]

David, there's a time and a place. It's called 'manners.'

[David Duff]

I confess that 'Backword Dave' momentarily put me on the back foot with his accusation of bad manners apropos my remarks to 'Bondbloke'. I have revisited his site and re-read the exhanges under his posts:

http://numptiesnest.wordpress.com/2006/09/23/struggles/
and:
http://numptiesnest.wordpress.com/2006/09/25/kind-words-and-brickbats/

My remarks concerned two things. First his poetry which I must leave others to judge as well but which I found peurile. You may think I was cruel but if, say, a friend insisted on wearing his trousers back to front you would, I'm sure, point out that he is making a damned fool of himself. Secondly, 'Mr. Bond' is, apparently suffering with depression - not on account of my poetry criticism, I hasten to add! I simply suggested that he should 'look outwards' not 'inwards'. Instantly, all his soppy friends rushed forward to pick him up, brush him down, wash the grit out of his grazed knees and generally tell him, 'There, there, the nasty man will soon go away'. All I can say is that with friends like that 'Mr. Bond' needs no enemies!

Sorry, 'Dave', but I must deny your charge of bad manners. I am merely the equivalent of a cold shower!

[Larry Teabag]

"Sorry, 'Dave', but I must deny your charge of bad manners."

How about my charge of needless rudeness? Whatever you may think about his poetry, there doesn't seem any justification for heaping ill feeling on someone whose obviously feeling down in the dumps.

Now you say: "if, say, a friend insisted on wearing his trousers back to front you would, I'm sure, point out that he is making a damned fool of himself"

But are you Bondbloke's *friend*? No. You're a complete stranger who has decided to heap obloquy on him for no reason other than the fact that you can.

[David Duff]

Well, here's a turn up for the book - Dr. 'Teabag', himself, ticking me off for rudeness! It's a bit like Blair complaining that his cabinet lie to him.

Anyway, 'Teabag', it's just my way of being cruel to be kind, or, 'tough love' as the afore-mentioned Blair might put it in one of his 'Diana' moments.

[tim baste]

Big difference between being rude and being a cunt.

[David Duff]

Well, you would know, Tim!

[tim baste]

It's true, I guess I am pretty rude.

[Larry Teabag]

No Duff, I'm not ticking you off for rudeness. I ticking you off for *needless* rudeness. I may be rude sometimes, but only to people who thoroughly need and deserve it.

To return to your somewhat bizarre analogy - you're not the friend pointing out the error of his ways to a backward-trousered man, you're the stranger walking down the street shouting to all and sundry "LOOK! LOOK! THAT STUPID BASTARD'S GOT HIS TROUSERS ON BACKWARDS!"

Being cruel to be kind? Who are you kidding?

[David Duff]

Deserve it?! Did you actually *read* his poetry, 'Teabag'?

And, please, don't *you* come over all touchy-feely, sensitive, getting-in-touch-with-my-feminine-side, deeply caring and compassionate! You'll be running for prime minister next. Please, just stay the same foul-mouthed, thumb-in-the-eye, knee-in-the-groin, little, intellectual thug that we all know and love. You're beginning to sound like my vicar and I can only cope with so much change in my life these days.

[Larry Teabag]

See what I mean about inconsistency David?

In the same comment as railing against touchy-feely caring compassion, you also surrender totally to your emotions and declare that you love me.

I feel unwell.

[Clairwil]

If you like a hoot at bad poetry, try this.

http://www.parchedspirits.blogspot.com/