I confess - I AM a Facist!

It's true, it's true, I tell you; I am a dirty, rotten Facist!  Every time I see Heather Blear's face on the telly I want to punch her, really, really hard.  It's not because of anything she's ever said because when she appears I hit the 'mute' button so fast I don't think I've ever heard her speak.  Also, it can't be anything she's done because as far as my memory goes (not far, I agree) she hasn't actually done anything since she's been a minister.  Of course, the fact that she is a minister in the most corrupt and corrupting government since the war (and I remember Wilson's!) is surely a qualification for receiving a good, straight right to the nose, but the truth is, it isn't her politics, it's her cheeky, chirpy, chipmunk face with those little pouchy cheeks and the pursed lip smile that produces the flecks of foam about my lips and the red mist over my eyes.  So, there you have it, I confess, I am indeed, a Facist.

Comments

[dearieme]

Is it really "Heather"?

[N.I.B.]

Not so sure this makes you a facist - a thug, a bully or perhaps even mysoginist, but not a facist.

...although any of those would have made for an *even less* 'surprising' headline than the one you did use.

[John Brissenden]

Full marks for the double-bluff irony impasse on the depressingly common misspelling of "fascist". Null points, however, for getting Hazel Blears' name wrong. 500 lines, Duff!

[David Duff]

Thank you, Mr. Brisso, Sir (and Dearieme), I shall write out 500 times:

"I am proud not to know the first name of *most* Labour ministers and I apologise for even getting some of their surnames correct."

By the way, can anyone explain what 'NIB' is on about? Not that I'm really interested, you understand ...

[N.I.B.]

Well let me explain it:

I think it's reasonable to call someone who beats up women one or more of thug, bully or mysoginist.

But I wouldn't call them a 'facist' unless they dressed up as Hitler and affected a lisp while they were doing it.

But your coming out as a 'facist' is somewhat less surprising - specially hot on the heels of some the other 'outings' you've treated yourself to this week...

[Larry Teabag]

It's amazing - having never agreed with you about anything in the past, I actually agree with you TWICE in this post. Yes, you are a fascist; and yes, Hazel Blears is an absolute cunt.

[David Duff]

Now don't you start with the language, Larry, I've already had to warn 'Bananas' but he's only 14 and thus has some excuse; you are reputed to be an adult and should know better!

And who said I was a "fascist"?

[N.I.B.]

Ah, right, so fantasising about punching some woman 'very very hard' is okay, but calling them a **** [edited because 'NIB' has difficulty reading, apparently. DD] isn't?

Wow. Welcome to the crazy word of David Duff!

[N.I.B.]

Congratulations David, you've reached a new low.

[barry bananas]

Yes, punching women in the face is cool, but dirty words are beyond the pale.

I've noticed that using cusswords in a comment on this site plays havoc with the whiskey-pickled grey matter of our host. A single casually placed C- or F-Word acts like some sort of linguistical signal jammer, such that the Duffer can see only that word and none of the surrounding sentences. You use a naughty word around here and you might as well replace every word with the rude one. I'm afraid the old man's mind just isn't up to it.

Of course, it could just be that the use of a bad word or two gives Ol' Wrinkle Dick a convenient excuse to ignore everything you've just said - much easier than responding to your arguments, after all. Who knows?

Whichever is true, I find it pretty funny that someone who justifies his repeated use of racist language by conjuring up the spirited back'n'forth of the barracks turns all a-quiver whenever someone lets loose a whoopsie word on his site, especially if it's the same delicate flower that wrote this. And by funny I mean sad and pathetic.

[David Duff]

Well done, Barry, several sentences, most of them coherent, some of them amusing and without a single swear word. In view of which, I will reply to the main thrust of your point. I admit, I am a hypocrite when it comes to swearing, as any of the actors with whom I have worked will tell you. In a rehearsal room when the concentration is intense I'm afraid I do revert to the barrackroom from whence I came. I don't like it, I'm ashamed of it, but like a Tourettes sufferer I just can't help it. However, in the leisure of the written word it is rarely required, note, not never, just rarely. Your little diatribe above was all the more amusing because you were forced to think just a tad longer and come up with some non-obscene words. You can be as rude and provocative as you like just keep the obscenities to the minimum - please!

[barry bananas]

Well, that's all well and good, Duffhole, but there's one thing you've failed to consider: swearing is [...] cool.

[Larry Teabag]

David, I insist on my right to use any words I find suitable for any occasion.

But since you're such a mincing pansy, I shall confine myself to comparing your mouth to a [...] into which a rabid dog has recently [...], just so as not to lower the tone round here.

[Larry Teabag]

David is there no end to your ridiculousness?

But perhaps you're right. Without the naughty words (not that my previous comment contain any mind you), we might all be forced to use more imagination and try that little bit harder. And before long we might arrive at the same giddy heights of purple prose that you've reached:

I want to punch her, really, really hard

[David Duff]

"David is there no end to your ridiculousness?"

No, but it's all part of my ineffable charm. (With the accent on the second syllable!)

[The iLL Man]

Plenty politicians, male and female, drive me to consider violence. Granted, David's probably got a little too excited about the notion, but there you go....

As for swearing, I can't fucking stand it. Anyone who does it is a complete prick in my book.

[N.I.B.]

Don't worry Ill Man - I was just expressing some of that faux outrage or host is so fond of doling out.

Imagine if someone like, say, the blogger 'lenin' did a post all about punching, say, Lady Thatcher 'really, really hard' - Duff here would be huffing and puffing about Trots, thugs and knuckle dusters before the proverbial ink was dry.

(not that pointing this out will make a blind bit of difference to a man who positively relishes hypocrisy and inconsistency provided it winds someone - *anyone* - up)

[clairwil]

With it being Easter and all, allow me to unite us all into one big happy mob, hooting in derision at this.

http://www.hazelblears.com/?page_id=117

Anyone who doesn't feel violent or at least violently sick after peeping at the official Blears merchandise has a stronger stomach than me.

[David Duff]

Sorry, Clairwil, call it LMF (Lack of Moral Fibre) but I cannot bring myself even to peep; I'll just take your word for it!

[N.I.B.]

How hard would it be to knock together some "Commissar Capitalist Duff" branded merchandise?

Just a thought...