My e-friend, Clairwill, has seemed a little out of sorts recently and to cheer her up, here is another story from my less than illustrious military career because I know she enjoys them.
One day our platoon sergeant used, yet again, the age-old army version of volunteering, "You, you and you!" and I was one of the 'yous'. We were told to take a landrover and be in position from dawn onwards at Teddington lock on the Thames ready to set up a radio link for the Army's annual 'Head of the River' race in which sundry lunatics paddled their canoes the length of the river - don't ask! Anyway, there we were, sitting in the vehicle bored silly and when it got to lunchtime I said I would go off and find somewhere to buy some rolls or sandwiches. Dressed in my camouflage smock and red beret I wandered up the road and found a pub. Pushing open the door I thought for a moment I had gone mad - the place was packed full of Robin Hood's merry men plus sundry men-at-arms belonging, presumably, to the Sheriff of Nottingham! Then the penny dropped and I remembered that Teddington was the site of the TV and film studios. Anyway, pushing my way through the 'medieval' crowd I had to squeeze by three nuns in full wimples and robes whose authenticity was only slightly marred by the fags and the large gin and tonics they clutched so fervently. Waiting for my order I was half conscious of the fact that I was the subject of some discussion between these three nuns and eventually one of them leaned towards me and said, "Darling, are you a real paratrooper or an actor?" Smiling modestly and thinking I might have scored big time, I told her that I was, indeed, for real. "I thought so, darling", she replied, glancing triumphantly at her companions, "You've got dirty finger nails!"
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