The Sunday Rumble 27/01/08

This blatant American racism must end NOW! Do you know, I have been shocked and appalled by watching the conduct of voters in the various polls and primaries that our American cousins insist upon, despite the tedious fact that is it extends the political season by almost 18 months.  All day and every day I have been watching voters being interviewed on Sky News and, you'll be shocked to hear this, they all say they are going to vote for that black chap because they, themselves, are black! Honestly, don't any of these people read the Guardian? Don't they know that it's deeply racist to vote for, or against, a candidate because of the colour of his or her skin?  I'm sure that even as I write Polly is winding herself up for a full-scale squawk on the subject.  I am only surprised that there appears to be no mention of this dreadful racism in any of the editorials of the liberal press!  Mind you, when the red-necks see the way the wind is blowing they're bound to vote the white ticket and then you'll hear the cries of anguish from the usual hypocritical suspects.

Do 'Lying Liars' learn on the job? I ask this because according to to that well-known PR firm, 'Legend & Myth', Peter Hain was, in his youth, a 'parfait', er, 'Seth Efrican' gent whose scruples were whiter than white ... and yet ... and yet ... now this embodiment of all the virtues has been asked to help the police with their enquiries.  It must have been the people he has been mixing with since those halcyon days when the "breathless hush in the close" was disturbed by  the cry 'Dig up! dig up! and stop the match!"  On the other hand, 'Dim Dave's' Tories have, according to the little 'Memsahib's' Sunday Mail, effortlessly managed to make the same mistake twice - well done, chaps!  I seem to remember a by-election last year in which those ineffable smarty-pants chose a 'got-rich-quick' Paki to stand as their candidate but he turned out to be a renegade Labourite which, after he predictably lost, rather left everyone covered in the smelly stuff - so no change there, then! Anyway, now they have managed to choose a, shall we say delicately, coffee-coloured candidate to take the place of the sainted Ms. Widdecombe, MP for Maidstone.  This slick 'operatrix', Helen Grant, has already demonstrated her expertise at being "economical with the actualite" by failing to tell anyone that only a couple of years ago she had tried hard to be a Labour candidate for the Croydon council and that she had volunteered her offices as a Labour telephone canvassing centre. St. Ann of Widdecombe was unavailable for comment!

'Hoogers' hog-tied in Harare! Honestly, every day the news seems to be more and more shocking.  I read today that Mr. Hoogstraten, the well-known 'zillionaire' who left court a few years back without even a speck of dandruff on his bespoke, double-breasted suit, let alone a stain on his character, when he overturned on appeal a prison sentence for the manslaughter of a business rival, has been arrested by the Zimbabwe police for currency irregularities and the possession of pornographic photos of his girl-friend. Honestly, can't a chap have a few hobbies?  Anyway, happily old 'Hoogers' is unlikely to be troubled for too long, after all, he is the man who described his, er, friend, President Mugabe, as "100% decent and incorruptible". Nothing to worry about, then, 'Hoogers', old chap!

The question is - why? I mean, why, when the Treasury Select Committee came out with its report accusing the 'not-fit-for-purpose' Financial Services Authority of gross incompetence over the Northern Rock shambles, has 'Hash' Brown given them the upper hand over the Bank of England in dealing with any future problems.  Only the history books (and perhaps the serialised memoires, I hope) will tell us, but my guess is that the Bank upset 'Hash' with their constant warnings over the real state of the British economy.  Unfortunately those warnings were ignored, but don't worry, you will feel the real thing this year! Incidentally, on the subject of 'Hash' Brown, I did tell you, did I not, what a whopping great mistake it was to give the exclusive story of the cancellation of the election-that-never-was to 'Ol' Jug Ears' Marr and the BBC.  I warned then that he would never again get a decent write-up in the prints or on the 'Telly' because every editor in the land now hated his guts. Remember, you read it here first!

Herr Doktor Death:  Apparently, H.M.'s Torygraph was rather shocked to learn that according to a survey(?) of 870 GPs and hospital doctors:

• "One in three said that elderly patients [er, that's me, dammit!] should not be given free treatment if it were unlikely to do them good for long. Half thought that smokers should be denied a heart bypass, while a quarter believed that the obese should be denied hip replacements."

Interestingly:

• "94% said that an alcoholic who refused to stop drinking should not be allowed a liver transplant, while 1 in 20 said taxpayers should not pay for "social abortions" and "fertility treatment.""

In other words, apropos the final clause of that sentence, 95% of them are quite happy for taxpayers (er, that's me, dammit!) to continue paying for doctors to kill babies with one hand whilst implanting babies with the other.  What is it about the medical profession that attracts so many of the stupendously stupid to its ranks?

Give us a kiss and I'll tell you! Another survey(?), this time a government one so it carries its own health warning! Anyway, it blows, if you'll excuse the phrase, a large hole in that silly, old queen's boast that 1 in 10 of us are queer.  Apparently, 94.4% of those asked described themselves as "straight".  The remainder gave a mixture of replies from open admittance of being homosexual, to bi-sexual, to "prefer not to say". But anyway, the real question was not asked: "Quite frankly,  sweetie, who gives a damn?"

Go on then, which one would you invite to dinner? Be honest, is there any politician you would truly be delighted to have in your house as a dinner guest. Now I don't want any cheap cracks about the nuisance of having to count the spoons at the end of the evening, I want you take this seriously.  I know that on the whole they appear to be a collection of partially-functioning, in-bred, social grotesques with deep psychotic disorders, but there must be one or two who might scrub up fairly well, at least, for one evening.  I mean, there's always old ... oh dear, perhaps not ... or there again that lady MP who ... oh God, no, I've just remembered ... well, as a last resort, why not dear old ... OK, I give up, but surely you lot can think of some one.

Comments

[Hank]

David

Don’t forget are blatant sexism! All sorts of women are voting for Senator Clinton because she is woman.

But it’s all on the Democratic side so it’s OK.

Actually when sub categories are broken down it is a very different picture. Age, economic status, and geographic location seem to have much more to do with it. Race and sex once broken down into sub categories has less effect. But explaining that would make for boring television, what’s more important?

[David Duff]

Hank, I'm sure that like most elections it defies any easy analysis and, as usual, I was taking the opportunity for a cheap crack!

More seriously, I wonder who the Republicans would prefer to face in the Autumn? My guess is Obama on the grounds that most blacks vote Democrat anyway, so no loss there, but they might pick up on the Hispanic vote which appears not to like Mr. Obama at all.

[Hank]

I know of no better candiates for a cheap shot than those two.