On the other hand, I might only be an FFFFF-er; although, there again, it's possible I'm actually an FFFFFFF-er. Sorry about the confusion but it's difficult to keep count of the 'F's. Perhaps I had better spell it out: I am a Fundamentalist Fighter For Freedom For Fish. Ah, good, I was right first time, six 'F's. Sorry, sorry, this must all be very confusing for you, I had better explain.
Sky News has been weeping buckets over the last few days because those cruel Canucks are out and about on the Arctic ice - you mean there's any left? - bashing seals on the head. Such emotional sentimentality appears to sit uneasily at Sky given the reputation of its proprietor, a man who, by all accounts, would have difficulty spelling "emotional sentimentality"! Anyway, as an FFFFFF-er let me tell you what those lovely, cuddly, cute, little fur balls do when they're not being bashed on the heads by Canucks - they're in the sea eating zillions of little fishies, that's what! Now little, or even big, fishies are not cuddly and cute. They don't come across very well on TV. In fact most people rarely see a fishie, and when they do it's usually covered in batter or breadcrumbs! Still, slippery, scaly and slimy they may be, but fishies are entitled to a life. All they want to do is swim around and have lots of baby fishies, but before they get a chance, along comes a carnivorous great seal with a huge gob full of teeth and chumps its way through the entire school.
I mean, come on, people, this sort of species favouritism smacks of discrimination. Fishies have rights, too, you know! So, for f-f-f-f-f-f ... goodness sake, go and club some more murderous seals - now!
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