"Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie" - but this one's a 'rat' not a mouse!

How very appropriate that Scotland's premier poet provides exactly the right words to describe 'Ratty', a Jock who lives down to his name!  He wrote a post on March 22nd in which he attempted to clarify his, er, thoughts on the Iraq situation.  As regular readers of his blog and of his occasional contributions here will guess, it was a useless mish-mash of ignorance and emotion.  For example, he vomited forth a stream of vicious invective against any and all Republicans for, amongst other things, the Vietnam war and so-called death squads in central America. I pointed out in impeccably polite terms that it was a Democratic president, indeed, a Democratic hero-president, who initiated the 'big surge' in Vietnam, not a Republican, and that the next Democratic president continued the war and that finally it was a very suspect Republican president who got the Yanks out of it.  Still, mere facts are of no importance to 'Ratty' when he has the urge to open his mouth and let his belly rumble.  As for the so-called death squads, I asked him if he was referring to Nicaragua which is now a thriving democracy in which the previous Marxist dictator lives and works without let or hindrance and, indeed, I believe he intends to stand for his parliament; but I never received an answer because I suspect that by now 'Ratty' was crying in his bathroom - he is easily given to tears, I gather.

Now I should make clear that I am not against vicious invective, how could I be, I occasionally stoop to it myself, but when I do, I fully expect a bucket-full back in return and as I stand there dripping wet and picking the, er, detritus out of my hair I do not complain!  But, you see, 'Ratty' is one of those ignorant bullies who loves himself when he dishes it out, he positively preens before the avid admiration of the dolts who take him seriously, so it is not surprising that on the receipt of any incoming no matter how mild, he wilts on the spot.  He lacks even the minimal guts required to just ban me, as others have done.  Instead, still convinced of his own 'cleverness' (never quite a compliment in the English language) he resorts to something which I consider to be quite despicable,  he re-writes the words of others leaving them under their original signature.  I point that out so that anyone foolish enough to visit his site should beware of anything purporting to be by me.  I shall continue, for as long as it takes - and because I am retired I have all the time in the world - to contribute comments to his site and watch him re-write them so often that even his own admirers will cease to flatter - unless he bans me  and thereby admits to being a censor.

Finally, his posts are usually written in execrable English which, in anyone else with an iota of self-awareness and a glimmer of intelligence, might give them pause before pontificating in writing for the public.  If I tell you that he is employed in some capacity in that farrago known as the Scottish judiciary system, see below, you will not be surprised.

Comments

[Larry Teabag]

Oh hypocrisy, thy name is Duff, and thou art a silly old twat.

Firstly, you do complain. Secondly, you too are a censor, even though you don't admit it.

Whenever someone posts a comment beneath one of your (execrably written) posts in which they use a naughty word, you complain bitterly. You then censor them, and you happily re-write their words leaving them under their original signature.

Of course this behaviour stands in the most marked possible contrast to *your* "right to use any words I find suitable for any occasion" - which, it goes without saying, is sacrosanct!

[Larry Teabag]

. Oops - sorry for the italics-gone-mad.

[Larry Teabag]

Aagh. Apologies. Cured?

[Laban Tall]

As a semi-admirer of his Doric wit, I'm shocked to hear that he's stooping so low.

[David Duff]

"Oh hypocrisy, thy name is Duff, and thou art a silly old twat."

Alas, Dr. Teabag, I am forced to confess to your first accusation but not for the reason you suppose. I do, from time to time, but only after *repeated warnings*, occasionally remove four-letter words from some of my more excitable commenters and I always place such excisions in brackets in the proscribed manner "[...]". What I do not, and would not ever, do, is change someone's text to mean something completely different and leave it under their signature. I cannot quite put my finger on it, because after all these are blogs not works of literature or science, but I consider the practice to be downright deceitful and despicable. it actually makes me half-admire the outright banners.

That said, I *am* a bit of a hypocrite because whilst I admonish my four-letter friends on this blog, alas and alack, in a rehearsal room my language is pure, or rather impure, Aldershot at its worst and quite irrespective of the presence of ladies.

As to the "silly old twat" bit, I'm beginning to think there must be something in it because some people keep calling me it, indeed, some of them never stop repeating themselves, Dr. Teabag! Actually, there is some evidence to support the proposition because I still haven't worked out how to put my comments text into italics, and there you are doing it all over the place. It must be your 'yooniversity edukashun'!

Laban, I never found him particularly witty, Doric or Lothian or otherwise, but he was faintly amusing - but not anymore!

[JuliaM]

"Finally, his posts are usually written in execrable English which, in anyone else with an iota of self-awareness and a glimmer of intelligence, might give them pause before pontificating in writing for the public."

Well, it never stopped Cllr. Terry Kelly....

[David Duff]

True, Julia, but I must confess (this seems to be a thread of confessions) that I am rather fond of the good Councillor who, blithely unaware of the effect he creates, adds enormously to the gaiety of the nation.

[the ill man]

Sad to see him rising to the bait. I always feel gentle mockery is the best way to deal with yr nonsense David. Yup!

[David Duff]

Gentle, vicious, even vacuous, mockery would do, anything really, except altering people's copy which is the pits! But there again, by their deeds shall you know them!

[the ill man]

I'll be honest david, I didn't really notice the difference........("~)

Not sure what that says.....

[David Duff]

Mock not!

[the ill man]

.....Poor Francis?

Oooooh!

[David Duff]

Well done, 'Ill Man', I'm slightly surprised that a young man like you picked up the reference to the late, great Frankie Howerd. I was at a business lunch once when he was the guest speaker. He left me weeping with laughter. I remember that his technique was to start a single joke but to wander away from it, cross back over it, veer off in another direction, come back again, then meander away ... and so on for 40 minute or so. Terrific technique - a very funny man!

[the ill man]

I have a very soft spot for Frankie Howerd. Add Max Wall,Chick Murray and Les Dawson to the bill and you'd have a perfect show.

Now, must go, the speedway calls.

[David Duff]

Speedway! Truly has it been said that all men's hobbies are a total mystery to everyone else - especially their wives and girlfriends!

[the ill man]

Yr not the first to react that way........

I have the same feelings about rugby and cricket.