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Sunday, 05 October 2008


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Hahaha! Fuck it, indeed!

I enjoy using the C-word, and have enjoyed it since the late 60s, when I lived in London and found the word to be virtually a synonym for 'bloke.'

I am also a huge fan of Derek & Clive (the drunken XXX-rated comedy riffs of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore.) If you're not familiar with it, I will send you a link, Mr. Duff.

I'm sorry that you see me as a pathetically naughty little girl, but I make no claims to being modern or liberated!

Yesterday, I was honored to be a guest on live public radio in Australia, to talk about my blog and my bete noir, Sarah Palin. I think I was invited to speak because the host enjoys reading my blog and finds me 'intelligent,' EVEN THOUGH I LIKE THE C-WORD!

What really concerns me, though, is your militant lack of interest in the "female bits." Are you not married, sir? I was under that impression. If you are indeed in a heterosexual relationship, I can promise that your partner would welcome your enthusiastic interest in her female bits!

If you're gay, of course, then never mind, carry on!

'Sister Wolf', you have let me down! I was expecting a magnificently sustained riff of obscenities(*) from you and instead I read your restrained and witty response. Much more of this and I may consider moving my affections from the delicious Mrs. Palin to yourself - truly, a fate worse than death, leaving you with no alternative but to lie back and think of America!

By the way, whatever gave you the impression that married men have any interest in ladies' 'bits', er, beyond their availability as and when required, that is. From the occasionally overheard remarks of the 'Memsahib's' girl friends, my ignorance is shared by most of my male friends.

Finally, Madam, I am sure it was Lady Bracknell who said (and if she didn't, she should) that that Australians are not to be spoken of in polite society, and to be liked and admired by an *Australian* is a matter that any true lady would prefer to keep secret. I urge you , Madam, to take heed - consider your reputation!

(*) Not that I'm asking for one, honestly I'm not, he said, trembling!

Heed taken, sir.

In semi-related news, our mutual acquaintance of the Russian persuasion has actually deleted you from her elite blogroll, in consequence of our friendly banter.

Try to be flattered by such heated jealousy!

Could it have been Lady Windermere?

No, 'Sister Wolf', I had not noticed receiving the 'unkindest cut of all' but I am not surprised. The lady is fierce, passionate and rather 'Old Testament', in the sense of assuming that 'the friend of mine enemy is also my enemy'. (I know another lady rather like that - no wonder the pair of you squabbled!) I simply cannot take very seriously any of the punch-ups that take place in Blogdom and God knows I've been involved in enough of them, but some people take it all very much to heart. Over here, with the exception of the kiddies in the Trot-lot creche and the mouth-breathers of the extreme Right, most people swap a few punches and then move on, so I put it down to cultural differences. However, in her particular case I'm not sure whether it was her Russian, American or Jewish heritage that makes her such an absolutist. Perhaps, as you qualify under two of those headings, you can tell me. Anyway, I am sorry to have lost her friendship because I rather like her.

I am an American of Russian Jewish heritage.

Perhaps if you Renounce me quite forcefully, she will forgive you?

I have never fought another blogger except this once, in self-defense. Like you, I welcome any argument about anything, so long as it isn't intended to hurt someone's feelings.

I rely on my genuine kindness and sense of humor to demonstrate that I'm a person of general good will and a friend worth having. Although of course, there is the Potty-Mouth thing!

"I am an American of Russian Jewish heritage"

Oh God, not another one! Honestly, that has to be the most explosive mixture in the world particularly with female chromosones added. What has a poor, old, blameless Englishman like me done to deserve that?

Anyway, 'Sister Wolf', you must forgive any typos because I am tapping this out whilst fully dressed in my nuclear/bio warfare suit with my bomb-dismantling protective suit on top - just in case! As Lady Bracknell might have put it, to have one prickly, spiky, short-fused, Russo-American Jewess in my life may be regarded as a misfortune, to have two looks like carelessness!

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