"Der Tag"!

The Day!  Well, actually it's not quite 'the day', it's the day before 'the day' but it is the day on which I promised to tell a breathless world my views on the election. (Oh, do stop yawning!)  Well, mes enfants, what a jolly three weeks it has been, to be sure.  (Did you notice the immensely subtle and sophisticated way in which I introduced a bit of German, a soupcon of French and even threw in a touch of the blarney?  You really do get your money's worth here at D&N - hang on, I've just remembered you don't pay anything!)  Where was I?  Oh yes, the past three weeks.  What a colossal bore it has been.  Have you learned anything through it all?  No surprise if you haven't because, happily, in this country the MSM for all its faults provides us with pretty good coverage on political life year in, year out, and there really isn't that much new to be discovered. 

Anyway, no great secrets have been revealed except to the monumentally stupid.  For instance, the fact that Gordon Brown's loathing of us, 'The People', is only equalled by his fear, was ably demonstrated in the Mrs. Duffy incident.  Clegg cemented his reputation as a very junior, political lightweight leading 'the Silly Party' which is as equally and ferociously divided as Labour but because it lacks power no one notices.  Cameron re-inforced his image as a man who might have done better flogging second-hand 'Rollers' and Bentleys in Berkley Square.  It has long since been obvious that he draws his political inspiration not from Maggie Thatcher or Churchill or Hayek or Freidman but from the man he admires above all others - Tony Blair, the super-salesman de nos jours!  None of the smaller parties have shown particularly brightly.  UKIP remains a party of small shopkeepers run by somewhat raffish-looking 'blazers and brogues' types.  I sympathise with their main aim, withdrawal from Europe, whilst doubting their ability to run the proverbial piss-up in a brewery.  The BNP remain primus inter pares (see, Latin now - I'll be writing leaders for The Times soon!) as the really and truly 'stoopid' party.  The Greens remain, er, well, green, 'nuff said, I feel.

So, all in all a pretty shoddy, second-rate lot, really - and so no change there, then.  And no surprise, either.  In this 'democratic' era is anyone truly surprised that our politicians run true to form and demonstrate that they are mostly mirror images of ourselves - flawed, mistaken, a bit bent and dodgy and none too bright, some of them out and out crooks and poltroons, one or two of them truly outstanding and, alas, another one or two of them extremely dangerous?  In a democracy we get the politicians we deserve. 

In some ways it makes little difference who gains power.  In the immediate future, to paraphrase a rather silly saying, 'economics rules, OK'.  The markets, bless their little red braces, will insist that the previously undo-able must and will be done - or else!  As for the rest, we will, I am sure, continue the drift of the past 60 years into gentle decline in all areas as the growth of government and quasi-government grows and grows just as the tentacles of international government slowly entangles and traps us all.

So, the GQD (Great Question of the Day) is how will I vote tomorrow?  Originally, I had intended to vote UKIP but as what passes for my mind was concentrated it became clear to me that that was an action which could be described as 'gesture politics', an activity I despise.  I could never vote for either of the socialist parties, Labour and the Lib-Dems, so it was a choice for me between the Tories and not voting.  Then I heard a story which may or may not have been true, that our local Tory candidate, Annunziata(*) Rees-Mogg (of that ilk!), had originally come under pressure from the teen-agers who run Tory Central Office for her to change her rather posh Christian name to Ann so as not to put off the plebs people.  She refused - splendid woman - and so she gets my vote!  On such trivial details empires are won and lost!

Finally, there are two results which I will be awaiting with genuine excitement and expectation.  Will the voters do the right thing and, in Sun-style language - Biff Bercow and Castrate Balls?  The champagne is on ice and merely awaits the good news . . .

(*)  Ignorant peasant that I am, I originally mis-spelt her name with a 'c' instead of a 'z'.  Try as I might, I never quite cut it with the gentry!

Comments

[dearieme]

As a wag somewhere implied, we should be praying not for a hung parliament, but a hanged parliament.

[David Duff]

Blimey, 'DM', you've got a real death wish about you these days!

[dearieme]

Nah, nah, it was the wag. Though it did occur to me that if we hanged the outgoing parliament, we'd save a fortune in pension costs. Meantime I may have found the answer on whom to vote for. Some joker called Old Holborn is standing here.
http://www.oldholborn.net/
Unfortunately, he's not offering the String Up Toni policy, but he's got hours in which to do so.

[David Duff]

I'll knot the rope just in case!

[JK]

"The Greens remain, er, well, green, 'nuff said, I feel."

Hmmm, a sleight? A simple oversight? David, old fellow, you point out your slipping in the German, the French and the Latin yet that "'nuff said," causes this Arky some vexatious shimmering. That Sir, is Deep Hollow (pronounced 'holler') Hillbilly.

Now your readers have truly got their dime's worth. Er, a dime's worth in dead mule tradin'.

[David Duff]

"dead mule tradin'"

Love it! And I bet it is only a matter of time before some Madoff character opens a Dead Mule Tradin' floor on Wall Street and we'll have Dead Mule Futures and all sorts.

[JK]

Suggest it to the IMF and the EU. But tell 'em to come directly to Arkansas. If those guys from Illinois get wind of it there won't be a single dead mule left in these hills, and the Chicago Mercantile Exchange will corner the market. Greece won't be able to import any deceased mule for months and the commodities markets here will go into a frenzy.

I do have a back-up plan though - we've got blind mules too. And armadillos. Slow roasted I hear, both smell just like Euros.