Then look no further! Today, courtesy of Peter Hitchens in The Mail, I will provide you with a mug shot (he's the mug) of one the most dimwitted 'Cocklecarrots' of all time, in fact, so stupid is this man that he really should not be allowed out on his own and I shall not be surprised to learn that he puts his trousers on back to front. His name is Judge Christopher 'Cocklecarrot' Ball and whilst I know that it is unreliable to judge a man by his face, let's all be honest and admit that this bloke actually looks like the utter prat that he undoubtedly is.
I first read about him, without knowing his name, a few days ago and it was one of those stories that leaves you pounding your head against the wall because although it hurts like hell it's better than contemplating the almost criminal stupidity and negligence of His dis-Honour, Judge 'Cocklecarrot' Ball. He was faced in court the other day with Bradley Wernham, 19, a career burglar of almost Stakhanovite energy who pleaded guilty, not to ten, not to a dozen, or a score, or even a hundred burglaries - but to 600 of them! Here is his photo and I must say the little runt looks about ten times brighter than 'Cocklecarrot' Ball - because he is!
Anyway, faced with this one-man crime wave what did our Guardian of Law and Order do? I will let Hitchens spell it out in his own inimitable style:
What happened to him would be ludicrous in any other country. But in this mad nation – under rules which the current Government has no plans to change – a deluded judge gave this creature a ‘last chance’ after hundreds of robberies.
Three months ago, in defiance of all common sense, Judge Christopher Ball arranged for Wernham and his girlfriend to live rent-free at your expense, in a town where he was until then unknown, while he supposedly did ‘community service’. (My emphasis)
That's nice, you are most certainly not thinking, I expect he was ever so grateful and probably did some good works for the local church to show his gratitude to Judge Ball. Well, you, and I, and the rest of the world, always excepting the dork in the wig above, will not be surprised by the actual outcome which was obvious and predictable:
To the surprise of nobody except that judge, Wernham learned the only lesson possible from this treatment – that the police and the courts are pathetic and feeble and can safely be laughed at. So he carried on committing his crimes. (My emphasis)
But hey, old 'Cocklecarrot' Ball is not a judge to be trifled with, oh dearie me, no:
Mr Injustice Ball has now sentenced Wernham to what is officially called ‘five years’ in prison, but which will, in fact, add up to 18 months. These daily lies from the lips of judges should be prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act.
And of course:
No wonder the thief smirked as he was told his fate. During his imprisonment, Wernham can relax, play pool and watch TV among people just like himself. If he wants to, he will also be able to take illegal drugs, which our prison regime tacitly permit in the hope of keeping the convicts quiet.
Still, now we have the stern-faced, hard-hearted Tories in government, the people who stand up for property rights and law and order. Now, remind me, who is the Minister for Justice? - oh, yes, I've just remembered - 'Fatty' Clark, the man who wants to open the prisons and set as many inmates free as he can.
Can anyone spare me a ticket on a slow boat to China?
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