A lazy Sunday today and this post, which will consist almost entirely of a quotation from The News of the World, reflects my disgraceful languor. According to Fraser Nelson at The Coffee House, the 'Fake Sheikh', Mazher Mahmood (blessings be upon him and his little cotton socks), has been up to his tricks again. For the benefit of my American e-pals, the 'Fake Sheikh' frequently partakes of disgraceful gutter-press impersonations in which sundry people who should know better are suckered into disclosing embarrassing or criminal secrets unaware that they are being filmed and recorded. The man deserves a Knighthood! Anyway, in this instance he has been gleaning a few tips from various immigration advisers. Needless to say, it confirms one's worst suspicions which, if voiced before today, would have been hotly denied by those responsible. No paraphrasing, here's the quote from The Coffee House but you will need to buy the paper for the whole thing - go on, you can always hide it inside The Sunday Times in case your neighbour spots you!
1. Official from the International Immigration Advisory Service in Manchester. "Floods have come in Pakistan. Say you have lost your family and your home. That’s the best story I can see … Just get me a few photos of the floods and we can say your relatives drowned and your home is gone. The British are very sympathetic."
2. The same official, to a second undercover reporter. "Find a European girl and marry her. Within four weeks, you’ll have permission to work here and within six months you’ll get a visa for five years. Then we’ll divorce this wife and bring your wife and kids over. Problem sorted."
3. Official at a London law firm. "Find a girl to marry. If not a girl, then find a boy - I’m not joking. But the other guy has to be legal. Just show how long you have been in a relationship - have a few photographs. Arms round each other, perhaps. It’s not too difficult. It has to be someone who knows you a bit. He has to fill in a form. I will make it up myself."
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