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Wednesday, 06 October 2010


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Since it would appear Sir Duff must've been furtively pissing behind his computer desk doing something in odd places and not alerting the 'Memsahib' that something was about to go amiss - he's left we, his loyal readership, no choice but to carry on as best we can in his absence.

Of course I, a mere former colinist - and an Arkie to boot - can neither expect to fill his shoes with the accustomed witty commentary, nor provide the claptrap "thought provoking insights" we, his loyal readership daily clamor for, for our regular edification, shall nonetheless endeavour to emulate - as a favor to David, you understand - Sir Duff's style by (at the very least, and in the tradition of the high standards rarely always adhered to here at D&N) at the very least, provide a link of consequence for discussion:

David? You can send your heartfelt "Thanks JK" as quickly as your loo comes back online.

Thank god we're going to talk about fashion here while he's gone!

Fashion, madam? Comme ca?

And to be truly fashionable, one must maintain a healthy degree of physical fitness. I'm uncertain as to how the residents of the UK manage it, but here in the US:,18198/

And what would a day without the obligatory Obama story from David be like? Thankfully, we won't have to find out:,14263/

This just in, from the Republican Steve Forbes' family rag no less.

Oh David, you're missing all the fun we're having on D&N. #1 - Guess who? #16 - Guess who?

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"

The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says "All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked."

The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank."

The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. "Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man."

Right, children, I'm back and all fashion talk is over - ended - kaput - it has ceased to be! Honestly, I can't leave the place for 5 minutes . . .

Apropos (I think) of your posting, our main cistern - in the loft - developed a case of "water hammer" about a week ago. Simple cure is a new ball valve assembly. Well I can put that in: it's fairly easy and entails, among other things, turning off the mains water supply. But what exasperates me is why plumbers in the UK never never put in stopcocks to isolate every bit of equipment which might fail: a stopcock to isolate the main cistern - at the cistern - would make the job that bit easier.

While I'm on my rant, I recall that 30 years ago I had to beg on my hands and knees (and, eventually, cough up cash) to get the guys who put in our original CH system to isolate the motorised valve so it could be replaced (in due course) without draining the whole CH system. It was only common sense and must have taken all of 10 minutes (plus a couple of stopcocks at, what, 50p each in the late 70s). However, even 30 years ago our indigenous plumbers were just about competent at best and thieving useless scrotes at worst: in some ways things don't change.

Hello, Bongers, I wish you lived a bit closer I could do with someone like you! As I told the chap who is currently beavering away, I find quantum physics easier to understand!

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