Bloody Yanks ruin everything!

Honestly, I don't know what they're up to 'over there', and fankly, the quicker the Chinese take the whole place over the better!  Look, Christmas is coming and its the time of year that us older chaps seek a little something extra to, er, revitalise our somewhat staid days - and long Winter nights!  Now, as everyman do know (but few admit) there is nothing like a nice new sex toy or a bit of porn to cheer a chap up when "nights are longest there".  A visit to your friendly neighbourhood porn shop is the sort of thing to, er, set you up, so to speak.  First of all there is the secret buzz of pleasure as, heavily disguised, you lurk around the area of the shop to ensure that the vicar's wife or the chairlady of the local Womens Institute isn't around, and then, with a speed and dexterity which would amaze your loved ones you sprint across the road and dash inside.  There you will find a reverential silence, the sort of silence that you never get in libraries any more with all those dratted computer-thingies clattering away.  But in your pornshop all is quiet, all is hushed concentration, and nobody, but nobody, meets your eye!

So what have our Yankee friends gone and done 'over there'?  They've only opened a 'drive-thru' porn shop, that's what!  Is nothing sacred?  I mean, where's the secret, shameful pleasure in a 'Drive-thru' shop where, according to the report, your purchases are delivered to you in a plain brown paper bag through a drawer.  Where's the excitement in that, I ask you, and do they say as you accelerate away, "Ya 'll have a nice day, now, y' hear me?"  They go even further:

The store plans to give away condoms as a public service and will feature an "intimacy clinic" offering weekly seminars and workshops, marriage counseling and a sexual health library, which will feature well-known authors in the field, and an upscale clothing boutique.

Good grief, I think I'd rather stay at home and listen to The Archers!

 

Comments

[JK]

Since I've had to hide my authorships in Arkansas from the Google-authorities, the business likely has no idea of my contact info - thus only the select few realize my expertise.

David, the way I figure it, (since you were my "overseas research assistant") so long as the Alabama authorities receive my resume' from a UK address - my speaking at any semenars seminars could fit the "brown-bag requirements."

Of course I'll videotape the interesting questions and send them to you for corroboration.

[David Duff]

JK, make sure they're in the usual plain brown envelope!