Yesterday, in their usual frenetic fashion, the media went on and on and on about the A-level results 'achieved' by our 'hard-working kiddie-winkies'. In homage to the philosophy (do stop sniggering!) that drives our 'edukshun sistim', I have devised a question in a similar style to that which you might find in a typically ferocious exam in, say, coloured plasticine modelling, or such-like. Of course, to make this realistic, I am providing the answers and all you need to do is tick the appropriate one:
Question: What is the common characteristic between Stalin's tractor factory statistics and British exam results?
a: They both increase incrementally year after year in defiance of the laws of probability.
b: They are as dodgy as one of the old 'bits of shrapnel' I used to sell to an unwary public.
c: They are as hooky as Capt. Hook's left arm.
d: They have the reliability of a statistic by Balls & Brown.
e: A real, working tractor actually coming off a Soviet production line was as rare as a well-educated pupil passing through our examination system.
In line with current examination policy, any of the above would constitute a correct answer and gain you a Pass mark, however, if you ticked all of them that will earn you a Distinction!
Maybe you'll like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGA11A340Ck
Posted by: ortega | Friday, 19 August 2011 at 19:12
Loved it!
Posted by: David Duff | Friday, 19 August 2011 at 20:27
OK ... what we need now is a brand new dictionary of all the words currently in use.
I figure it will only need one tree in the Borneo forest to commit suicide and we can provide all the books the British Education system will require for the next 10 years or so.
A booklet, really, is all they will need. A pamphlet (and that's the last time you'll ever need to use that word ... obsolete right now).
OK y'all, let's get together and make a dictionary for today's students - won't take long and we can share the royalties.
Posted by: Andra | Saturday, 20 August 2011 at 08:05