Look, just don't upset me today!

I'm in a foul, snapping, snarling bad temper this morning so have a care!  I will tell you why - and you will pay attention!  Right?

Last Wednesday I had to replace a bulb in the ceiling light in our spare bedroom which doubles up as my dressing-room, although my so-called friends would be surprised to think that I required the space given what they think of the out-of-date, unfashionable grunge I slop about in.  Anyway, the light fitting is immediately above the centre of the double-bed.  No way was I going to attempt to shift that so instead I pulled over the fancy little padded stool that sits before the dressing table and using that as a step, up I went.  Needless to say, because it was in the usual tradition of absolutely everything I ever attempt in the do-it-yourself line, the bulb stuck and then I nearly ripped the shade off the ceiling trying to rectify it, and so on, as usual, so that I was in a thoroughly bad mood when the job was finished.  I crossed the bed and attempted to step onto the stool forgetting, of course, that it is a rather soft bed with the characteristics of a trampoline!  Consequently, off balance I trod on the edge of the stool which, being three-legged, immediately toppled over sending me crashing to the floor.  Fortunately, being an ex-paratrooper I immediately executed a superb side-left landing of the sort I used to do so regularly with the Regiment - or to put it more accurately, I hit the ground like a sack of shit, as my instructors used to bellow at me!

Anyway, because I cut the grass in the churchyard, obviously, God looked after me and the damage was minimal, just a long 4" graze right down the shin bone on one leg which made my eyes water!  It took the top skin off and was a bit sore but has now scabbed over nicely.  However, 3-days later I had all the symptoms of a pulled muscle in the groin to the point where I could hardly walk upstairs.  That faded away within 24 hours so that yesterday I was feeling fairly chipper and thinking I would go for a swim this morning.  But today I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my left shoulder and I am unable to raise my arm to any height.  Obviously another pulled or strained muscle but this is five days after the tumble!  Is that usual, or am I just falling to bits?

Anyway, that means I missed my swim this morning so I'm in a really grouchy mood quite apart from being reminded every five minutes by an excruciating jab of pain my shoulder when I forget to hold my arm still.  I have re-sworn my oath never, ever, to attempt any DIY jobs again.  No matter how much it costs I'd rather weep over a huge invoice than over my self-inflicted wounds.

The 'Memsahib' with her usual boundless sympathy tells me I'm a total prat.  For once I agree with her!

 

Comments

[JK]

It would appear your promise to SoD - that being, "to be a burden" - is probably as close to the truth as anything you've hitherto posted on these esteemed, er, pages of D&N.

I'd ask though - isn't it about that season of the year when the back-porch furniture needs re-arranging?

(No David no, these tears are truly shed in sympathy.)

[David Duff]

You're lucky, JK, after a decent lunch, a nap and a good film on the 'Telly', I have recovered my good humour - well, so long as I don't move my arm!