Well of course we share things, you know, like, er, well I know they have a constitution and we don't' but even so at least we all talk the same language, sort of, so long as their English-speaking films have, er, English subtitles . . . OK, OK, maybe not quite so much as I thought but there is one undoubted characteristic both our nations share - our policemen, here and there, are as thick as a sack of spanners! Ours, known colloquially as 'the plod', 'the filth', 'the old bill' and so on, are renowned for their dimness. I seem to remember reading only a day or two ago that a huge number of constables have considerable difficulty writing and reading! What is truly remarkable though, is that by very careful selection only the truly and monumentally stupid rise up to positons of leadership. Of course, there are exceptions but as a general description I believe I am accurate.
Thus, it warmed my heart to read that 'Noo Yawk's finest' are equally vacant in the brain area. Their, er, leadership have issued a booklet to train their officers and any security people involved in watching the city's night life on what to look out for. This from the New York Daily News:
The 27-page booklet, titled "Best Practices for Nightlife Establishments," advises owners to be cautious about nervous customers who are sweating profusely and with "bulging veins in the neck."
Yep! I reckon that sounds pretty dodgy especially if they're carrying an axe at the time.
"Counter-terrorism security plans should include training for all staff in the detection of possible suicide bombers," the guide, released Monday, says.
Good thinking, that man! It goes on:
On how to spot would-be terrorists, the guide recommends being alert to people with "visible wires and tape" protruding from their clothing and "individuals who are obviously disguised."
Heavens to Betsy, who'da thunk it?
On the more mundane business of spotting drunks, the booklet suggests that officers should remember that:
they're usually the ones with slurred speech and bloodshot eyes who appear "sick, confused, abusive, profane, antagonistic or incoherent."
Crikey! Never mind 'Noo Yawk', that reminds me of Aldershot circa 1960, place was full of 'em!
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