An amusing interlude

Yesterday I received in my personal e-mail box this peremptory demand from a stranger:

What is your educational background and what do you do for living? Simple questions not answered by you anywhere that I have read.

To which I replied, not unreasonably I think:

Why do you want to know and who’s asking?

Back he came again with this:

I am asking because it isn't on your blog where it should be to allow people to judge if you might have any expertise in what you claim to know about.  Who I am doesn't matter until I make a claim.

Given the hectoring, arrogant, unpleasant tone I instantly guessed where he was from!  You see, I have been undertaking a bit of cut and thrust with the 'Warmers' over at Deltoid.  Of course, as regular readers here well know, I frequently mention my appalling scholastic record and the fact that I have had more jobs than most of you have had hot dinners and that my final refuge was the second-hand car trade.  And as it happens, I am pretty sure I mentioned it over at Deltoid in previous exchanges.  Anyway, I responded thus:

Ah, I suspect you are a young man, or at least, one of the new style ‘gentlemen’ who discount such minor matters as courtesy and good manners.  You suppose that you can barge, unasked, into my ‘In-box’ demanding personal information and expect an instant and full reply.  Sorry!  However what you can expect is my usual response to people with no manners – fuck off!  Come back when mummy teaches you to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

Somewhat stuck for words and lacking one of those pithy three-word slogans which is an absolute requirement for the 'youf' of today, he offered this final, pathetic sally:

I will assume you have very little education from your response and what you have gleaned is little. A good "fail" student on a pass fail basis.

Oh God, re-reading that last bit, a dread thought occurred - please, please, don't tell me this pig-ignorant moron is actually a teacher!

 

Comments

[Whyaxye]

Wonderful stuff - first laugh of the day!

I love the line

"Who I am doesn't matter until I make a claim."

I'm going to try it with my insurance company.

[A K Haart]

"don't tell me this pig-ignorant moron is actually a teacher!"

Sounds like it - oh dear. And of course he was making a claim - on your time and courtesy.

[Xopher]

He obviously thinks he's very educated and will have a pathetic certificate of ignorance and obedient incompetence to prove it.

Our new elite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[David Duff]

You couldn't make him up!

[Brian Aris]

Perhaps it was someone you once directed in a play...

[David Duff]

Brian, greetings, good to hear from you! No, no, all my actors were perfect gentlemen and I never needed to swear at any of them, er, did I? Hope you're well.