My e-pal, Andra, mentioned Ogden Nash in a comments thread and I promised to provide some examples. Here is one that is entirely appropriate for this time of year. Of course, like most of his poems they are best read out loud and in this case, as it is written in rhyming couplets, each line should be delivered on one breath with a slight emphasis on the last word:
I'M A PLEASURE TO SHOP FOR
Mine is a dauntless spirit, meaning a spirit that is hard to daunt;
Therefore, since nobody gives me Christmas presents anymore, I shall console myself by compiling a list of Christmas presents that I do not want.
I do not want a lamp made out of an umbrella stand, or a coffee table made out of an old wagon wheel, or a fire screen made out of a leftover piece of trellis,
Or, indeed, anything made out of, or to look like, anything ellis.
I do not want a novel written by a young genius in the earnest belief that nothing awful has ever happened before to anyone but him, certainly not to us dowdy duffers and stodgy codgers,
Nor tickets to the new musical by the smart boys who think they have discovered the secret of Hammerstein and Rodgers.
Since I am crazy about harshness and unpleasant aftertaste, I do not want a milder, less irritating cigarette, no matter how scientific the tests,
Nor an evening with friends watching the TV personality girls whom I can only think of irreverently as Community Chests.
I do not want a squirrel tail or a Confederate flag to dangle from the aerial of my car,
Or a picture window through which better to view my neighbour's picture window or the adjacent abattoir.
For me, please, no bottled Martinis,
No sweetbreads, no cottage cheese with or without chives, no blinis in sour cream, indeed, neither sour cream nor blinis.
If you will just not come across with any one of the above, and make it snappy,
You will also make one dear old gentleman's Christmas very, very happy.
No sweet breads? Or no sweetbreads? I think we should be told.
Posted by: dearieme | Friday, 23 December 2011 at 16:43
Oh bugger! Why can I never proof-check myself? Fancy a job, DM?
Posted by: David Duff | Friday, 23 December 2011 at 16:56
Duffers, here's your Xmas present. Do enjoy it.
http://www.kings.cam.ac.uk/chapel/virtual-tour/
Posted by: dearieme | Friday, 23 December 2011 at 19:43
I did, I did! Absolutely gorgeous - but they should take that monstrous organ out so that you can see the entire elegant space. The tracery ceiling is superb - nearly as good as Sherborne Abbey!!!
Thanks for that, I've forwarded it to some friends. You and Mrs DM enjoy a peaceful Christmas.
Posted by: David Duff | Friday, 23 December 2011 at 20:28
Well, here's ours. Ya'll got any three to compete?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036789/#45738755
Posted by: JK | Friday, 23 December 2011 at 22:05
Nice one, Duff.
Taaa!
And ignoring the pedants, I'm happy enough with sweetbreads.
Posted by: Andra | Saturday, 24 December 2011 at 01:06
The King's tour was amazing. Thanks so much for that.
Posted by: Dom | Saturday, 24 December 2011 at 03:20
Don't thank me, thank DM without whose pedantry this blog would be even more illiterate and ungrammatical.
Posted by: David Duff | Saturday, 24 December 2011 at 08:05
Merry Christmas DD, and may God keep you and your safe and happy on His birthday.
Thanks for all the wisdom and corny, corny jokes in 2011 - we old reactionaries must stick together as the light fades due to poor eyesight (cornea and cornea) or the naff EU-mandated lightbulbs...
Posted by: North Northwester | Sunday, 25 December 2011 at 10:31
Blimey, NNW, you've obviously been at your Christmas crackers for some jokes. All the very best to you and yours in return.
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 25 December 2011 at 19:16