"Ullo, John, wanna noo motor?"

As regular readers will know, having tried a number of jobs after leaving the army, I eventually fell into what might be called the 'sump of occupations', the second-hand car trade.  An appalling collection of rascals whom you would not wish to introduce to your mother, or even your dog, come to that!  This little tale from my e-pal Andra is the sort of thing that would have most of them, including me, falling about with laughter:

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.”  It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!  Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of.  Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age.  Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status.  Most owners find it is best to lease one and replace it each year.

Well, nobody said we were sophisticates!

 

Comments

[JK]

"Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it..."

There's been some advisories in our press of late. As to the "average male car thief not being able to find it"?

True - to a point - so long as he doesn't hear the motor running before he tries to snatch one.

Otherwise, the Clitaurus emits a woeful moaning and groaning whine (high pitched at speed - low rumbling at idle) and distinct at all times.

Engineers at the Renord Division working tirelessly on the problem have so far come up with one sole solution - "a BFH" as it's called - but so far they advise, it remains a temporary fix.

[dearieme]

Does my bump look big in this?