Yes, apologies for my lack of output yesterday but the night before I had a 2-hour journey up to my Theatre Club in Twickenham and a 2-hour journey back, arriving home at 1.00 am, so I was a bit 'nacked'. However, the reason for my late-night odyssey could not have been better. We were celebrating the life and times of Mike Green, the humourist, who is a member of the club and, well into his '80s, is still in good health and still in possession of the wickedest chuckle I have ever heard.
So on Monday night, several of the members had got together and arranged an evening of readings from various of Mike's books and such is the affection in which he is held that I am delighted to say the place was packed even on a cold, wet, January night. I am even more delighted to tell you that his most famous book, The Art of Coarse Acting, is still in print and available at Amazon. Mike, himself, describes a 'coarse actor' thus:
One who can remember his lines, but not the order in which they come. An amateur. One who performs in Church Halls. Often the scenery will fall down. Sometimes the Church Hall may fall down. Invariably his tights will fall down. He will usually be playing three parts – Messenger, 2nd Clown, an Attendant Lord. His aim is to upstage the rest of the cast. His hope is to be dead by Act II so that he can spend the rest of his time in the bar. His problems? Everyone else connected with the production.
Some of his 'coarse acting' play scripts are hilarious. These are plays in which everything that could go wrong in an amateur production - does, with a vengeance! I remember one, 'The Escape from Stalag 17 1/2', or some-such, in which the gallant British airman is in a cell with a barred window high up which means he has to go up on tiptoe in order to pass a message out. Unfortunately, in their haste, the set builders put the 'flat' containing the window in upside down. The bewildered actor, after searching vain for the window finally spots it at ground level and is forced to go down on hands and knees to pass his message.
For all you 'hearties', his other very popular book is The Art of Coarse Rugby which, again, is still in publication. Mike was a very keen rugby player and in fact ended up as the rugby correspondent for The Daily Telegraph. This book was written, not for the expert 'hearties' who played for their club's first team but for those 'wannabes' in the 'B' Team Extras! He defined a 'coarse rugby player' thus:
he does not enjoy playing, but instead plays for any one of a number of other reasons, such as to get away from his wife, or because he dare not admit he is too old. The sort of players who stub out their cigarettes on the goal posts!
I have published this photo before when I wrote on the subject of my playing Falstaff but I do it again now because the other character is Mike Green playing Bardolph. He really is super bloke and, of course, is in reality a very good actor, himself.
He has written several 'Coarse' books on different subjects and they are all weepingly funny. If you are ever stuck for an idea for an unusal gift for someone, try one of his books - but don't read it yourself, you might end up keeping it!
His books delighted my adolescent years. Pass on my thanks when next you see him please, Duffers.
Posted by: dearieme | Wednesday, 11 January 2012 at 12:25
Well, I suppose it says something about me that they still make me laugh in my dotage. I will certainly pass on your thanks, DM.
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 11 January 2012 at 12:46
There were some really good cartoons in his books too, although I can't remember who drew them. I hope it wasn't Mike Green because that much talent on one person - well it just isn't fair is it?
Posted by: A K Haart | Wednesday, 11 January 2012 at 17:03
I will ask him next time I see him, AK.
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 11 January 2012 at 17:37
I recall a part of one of his tomes (Art of sailing ?) where a friend of his had caused a not inconsiderable amount of damage by sailing irresponsibly - power lines were involved I believe - & in consequence insurance claims were filed. The friend claimed "Act of God" as an excuse, only to receive a bill addressed to "Mr God". All his books are gems.
Kind regards
Posted by: david morris | Wednesday, 11 January 2012 at 21:49
Oh, this is lovely stuff.
Reminds me a bit of the great Robert Benchley.
Benchley hated birds and loved nothing more than to see them slip on icy streets.
Then he pointed at them and laughed.
I have a birthday pretty soon ......
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 12 January 2012 at 03:39
David, back in the '60s it was "Coarse Sailing" which caused a never forgotten incident on the top of a double-decker bus in which my girlfriend (now promoted to 'Memsahib') and her friend became so embarrassed by my uncontrolled laughter as I read the book that they both got up and moved downstairs.
Andra, was that a hint I felt go past me?
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 12 January 2012 at 09:02
An unconventional way to attract a female I would have thought but one that obviously worked for you.
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 12 January 2012 at 18:59
Alas, Andra, I am one of those people who, if you push the right humour buttons I become uncontrollable. I remember once reducing a crowded working man's cafe to silence as I howled with tears of laughter streaming down my face at a book I was reading. I was so weakened with laughter I couldn't even save my embarrassment by getting up and leaving.
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 12 January 2012 at 20:54