Look, you're to take this seriously! The search is on. A worldwide search. Check under your bed. Look in that drawer with all of last year's Christmas wrapping-paper
that you saved so carefully in order to re-use this year - you cheapskate! Try the garden shed, if you have one, or, if you can bring yourself to it, take a look in the spare wheel compartment of the car, you'll be amazed what you might find there! And, if it's a yellow plastic duck, er, don't let me know but do tell Mr. Donovan Hohn, a writer and presumably a plastic duck enthusiast who has just written a book on the subject of the 29,000 ducks which fell overboard in a container from a ship up in the far north Pacific between Alaska and Japan. To his everlasting fame, or shame, Mr. Donovan has called his book - wait for it - Moby Duck! Apparently some of them have ended up as far south as Hawaii although one lady has reported finding one on a Scottish beach! We must accept her word for it because according to The Independent she is a 'MacCocklecarrot' and therefore of utter probity. The BBC reported this morning that there was also some purple turtles lost overboard at the time but I would not advise you to tell your friends or neighbours that your are looking for purple turtles, they might wonder what you're on!
And whilst your rifling through your golf-bag, or crawling through your roof-space, do look out for any old rocks you might come across, like this one below:
Apparently, skip-loads of moon rock have gone missing. Honestly, you just can't trust some people. That nice President Kennedy and his successors started spending all those tax dollars just to send some cleaners to the moon and when they'd finished tidying up they brought back some of the rocks they found - well, Moonies are very untidy and leave them lying about all over the place. According to the BBC, these rocks were split up and given to various heads of state and since then most of them have gone missing, er, that's the rocks, actually, although so too have most of the heads of state!
Needless to say, the 'Oirish' threw theirs out with the rubbish, at least that's what they telling us, but perhaps they were mixing it up with the blarney stone! Supposedly there was a fire at their space observatory (an 'Oirish' space observatory?!) and a spokesman reckons the moon rock ended up in a landfill site.
Anyway, stop sitting around reading this rubbish, get out and start looking!
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