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Wednesday, 07 March 2012


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What piffle!

If the weather turns chilly, and you wish to maintain a certain sartorial elegance then the real fashion experts (not to blow my own horn but this is something I have long been renowned for - well except for the episode with the Star-Trek uniform, Oh and the problem with the kilt, although I'm told the old lady who witnessed my 'knees' has almost recovered and only screams occasionally in her sleep now) wear something a little more stylish:

If you require any further fashion advice please feel free to call, after all not everyone can be as tasteful as I am :-D

Jesus H Christ David.

I'm off computers for two weeks then... the first place I land on ( Only per instructions... [read: "Demands"] what greets the poor sore eyes of bewildered JK?

Why not the sarong David? I thought we cleared this up eons ago?

Cowboy gear? I'm from Arkansas - NOT TEXAS!!!

Jeans, flannel shirt, rope for a belt, straw hat and a corncob pipe. Yes. Just like that ol' buddy of your's General MacArthur.

Remove this post immediately David. Failing that - at minimum take JK's intials off. ASAP.

Cowboy gear my ass David.

Here's what we well coutered Arkies wear. (I could only find a link to what we wear for our Sunday "Go to meeting clothes" there's more variety when it's just everyday wear.

Where do I begin? These mantyhose are an abomination. And some of the models appear to be wearing womantyhose!

Here's what I want you to do. Go to an H&M shop, where you will find Long Johns "designed" by David Beckham. They look a lot like your grandfather's, but with a slightly sexier silhouette. I wanted them for myself but they didn't come in black.

Then, perhaps you or your granddad will model them for us!

"I wonder if you can help me. My husband, who often posts here under the name of "Whyaxye", was reading a posting on this site when he suddenly stopped, went upstairs, and started rummaging around in my underwear drawer. I was feeling rather hopeful that he was about to inject some exotic passion into our relationship, but he merely came downstairs wearing a long coat over what looked suspiciously like a pair of my tights. And nothing else. He then left the house.

That was a couple of hours ago. Since then our solicitor phoned, saying that W. was being held in our local police station. He wouldn't give details, saying that W. had better explain for himself.

Can you help please? I know that W. likes to look at this blog, but I thought it was all about whether Israel were going to bomb the flip out of Iran, and such high-minded issues."

Mrs. Whyaxye.

Words fail me.
Sis, I rather like the mantyhose.... I think they'd look pretty good on the Duffster. Not great, mind, but then David's sad old body doesn't look much like this bloke's.
Still, I think the sarong is a better look, but perhaps worn higher, much higher.
I'm off to Bali again next month and will find something real sexy for you, David. I'm thinking a tutu but p'raps not pink. I see you in a shrieking purple, lots of tulle.

On consideration I have decided that perhaps a 'forty-niner' suit is more your style. In lilac I think!

David. I was wearing my old green army issue today to keep off the cold up here in Sconie Boatland. The MP's wil be around to collect.

Dear Mrs. Whyaxye,
Please accept my sincere sympathies - the wife is always the last to know. Of course, us regulars down at the Magistrates Court have known for years what a 'perve' your old man is. Should you feel in need of counselling I do offer a very special hands-on service so don't hesitate.

Able, I can see its possibilities but taking a pee might be a tad tricky!

Now look here, JK, it's no good you blustering, I have it from some impeccable 'Arkie' sources (you know who!!!) that you are to be seen regularly on a Saturday night strolling up and down your Main St. dressed as John Wayne and offering ladies a look at your six-shooter. 'Man-up', and treat yourself to some 'Mantyhose'!

'Sis', I'm sorry but I wouldn't be seen dead in anything that Beckham wears. What a nerve, a muddy-mettled 'footie' rascal like him muscling in on my fashion scene. Bitch!

Andra, darling, you are such a sweetie and exactly right, purple but with the merest splash of yellow and magenta, don't you think?

Jimmy, you're a lucky man, I haven't saved any of my old army gear and you're right, its excellent for bad weather.

Check your sources again David. JK does not "stroll" anywhere, anytime.

"Lurk" - maybe. "Stroll" - definitely NOT!

(I did see on "our" evening news last night David, you're one of the three confirmed cases of manflu that've been confirmed in the UK. I know you're hard-pressed and your health and general well-being would be greatly enhanced should you trade the dreaded manflu for a spot in the German infantry Eastern frontline circa 1943 - but do bear up for Mankind - but time travel [with the possible exception being, if you're a neutrino] is impossible.

Andra will be around shortly with a toddy or nine and is under direct orders to care for your every need.)

Andra with a toddy or nine - can't wait!

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