It's not an easy responsibility being a fashion icon constantly in the eye of an adoring public, to say nothing of all those nosey hacks following me around desperately hoping to spot the very latest changes in male fashion, but I bear the responsibility with great fortitude in the knowledge that my decisions on what is in, what is out and what is quite, quite beyond the pale, will be of enormous benefit to my fellow men - particularly to the likes of 'JK' who spends all day dressed in cowboy gear and 'DM' who, to the despair of his lovely wife, I just know wears thick Scottish tweeds year in year out and irrespective of climate!
For some time now I have been extolling the virtues of Long Johns and a year ago I offered you a photograph of my grandfather wearing his:
I think you will all agree that he cuts a very manly figure - sorry didn't quite catch that! Anyway, beauty in design never stops and, my idea having caught on, it has now been developed to a more elegant level. This time, I am proud to announce that it is me modelling this version of The New Long Johns for The New Man:
You may have noticed that I have lost a little weight and developed some pretty impressive abs! This is entirely due to the fact that whilst you lot are festering in your respective pits, I am down the swimming-pool six days a week doing at least, oh, say, five lengths! Then the rather nice life-saver lady, a bit like the model with me in the picture above, very kindly helps me out of the pool!
Anyway, I am obliged to, er, Daisy Dumas (no, honestly, that's her name) from The Daily Mail for writing this important story:
If you thought men in tights was a sartorial statement best left to medieval jesters, think again. The underwear staple for women is making its way into wardrobes of the opposite sex - and the look is gaining popularity. If any were in doubt as to the strength of the trend, it even has its own name: Mantyhose.
"Mantyhose"! Doncha' love it? And remember, you read it here first, you lucky people!
What piffle!
If the weather turns chilly, and you wish to maintain a certain sartorial elegance then the real fashion experts (not to blow my own horn but this is something I have long been renowned for - well except for the episode with the Star-Trek uniform, Oh and the problem with the kilt, although I'm told the old lady who witnessed my 'knees' has almost recovered and only screams occasionally in her sleep now) wear something a little more stylish:
http://www.musucbag.com/en/index.html
If you require any further fashion advice please feel free to call, after all not everyone can be as tasteful as I am :-D
Posted by: Able | Wednesday, 07 March 2012 at 17:11
Jesus H Christ David.
I'm off computers for two weeks then... the first place I land on ( Only per instructions... [read: "Demands"] what greets the poor sore eyes of bewildered JK?
Why not the sarong David? I thought we cleared this up eons ago?
Cowboy gear? I'm from Arkansas - NOT TEXAS!!!
Jeans, flannel shirt, rope for a belt, straw hat and a corncob pipe. Yes. Just like that ol' buddy of your's General MacArthur.
Remove this post immediately David. Failing that - at minimum take JK's intials off. ASAP.
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 07 March 2012 at 20:17
Cowboy gear my ass David.
Here's what we well coutered Arkies wear. (I could only find a link to what we wear for our Sunday "Go to meeting clothes" there's more variety when it's just everyday wear.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Hillbilly_couple-5916.jpg
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 07 March 2012 at 20:36
Where do I begin? These mantyhose are an abomination. And some of the models appear to be wearing womantyhose!
Here's what I want you to do. Go to an H&M shop, where you will find Long Johns "designed" by David Beckham. They look a lot like your grandfather's, but with a slightly sexier silhouette. I wanted them for myself but they didn't come in black.
Then, perhaps you or your granddad will model them for us!
Posted by: Sister Wolf | Wednesday, 07 March 2012 at 20:48
"I wonder if you can help me. My husband, who often posts here under the name of "Whyaxye", was reading a posting on this site when he suddenly stopped, went upstairs, and started rummaging around in my underwear drawer. I was feeling rather hopeful that he was about to inject some exotic passion into our relationship, but he merely came downstairs wearing a long coat over what looked suspiciously like a pair of my tights. And nothing else. He then left the house.
That was a couple of hours ago. Since then our solicitor phoned, saying that W. was being held in our local police station. He wouldn't give details, saying that W. had better explain for himself.
Can you help please? I know that W. likes to look at this blog, but I thought it was all about whether Israel were going to bomb the flip out of Iran, and such high-minded issues."
Mrs. Whyaxye.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Wednesday, 07 March 2012 at 21:46
Words fail me.
Sis, I rather like the mantyhose.... I think they'd look pretty good on the Duffster. Not great, mind, but then David's sad old body doesn't look much like this bloke's.
Still, I think the sarong is a better look, but perhaps worn higher, much higher.
I'm off to Bali again next month and will find something real sexy for you, David. I'm thinking a tutu but p'raps not pink. I see you in a shrieking purple, lots of tulle.
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 00:12
On consideration I have decided that perhaps a 'forty-niner' suit is more your style. In lilac I think!
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 00:55
David. I was wearing my old green army issue today to keep off the cold up here in Sconie Boatland. The MP's wil be around to collect.
Posted by: Jimmy | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 01:23
Dear Mrs. Whyaxye,
Please accept my sincere sympathies - the wife is always the last to know. Of course, us regulars down at the Magistrates Court have known for years what a 'perve' your old man is. Should you feel in need of counselling I do offer a very special hands-on service so don't hesitate.
Able, I can see its possibilities but taking a pee might be a tad tricky!
Now look here, JK, it's no good you blustering, I have it from some impeccable 'Arkie' sources (you know who!!!) that you are to be seen regularly on a Saturday night strolling up and down your Main St. dressed as John Wayne and offering ladies a look at your six-shooter. 'Man-up', and treat yourself to some 'Mantyhose'!
'Sis', I'm sorry but I wouldn't be seen dead in anything that Beckham wears. What a nerve, a muddy-mettled 'footie' rascal like him muscling in on my fashion scene. Bitch!
Andra, darling, you are such a sweetie and exactly right, purple but with the merest splash of yellow and magenta, don't you think?
Jimmy, you're a lucky man, I haven't saved any of my old army gear and you're right, its excellent for bad weather.
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 08:33
Check your sources again David. JK does not "stroll" anywhere, anytime.
"Lurk" - maybe. "Stroll" - definitely NOT!
(I did see on "our" evening news last night David, you're one of the three confirmed cases of manflu that've been confirmed in the UK. I know you're hard-pressed and your health and general well-being would be greatly enhanced should you trade the dreaded manflu for a spot in the German infantry Eastern frontline circa 1943 - but do bear up for Mankind - but time travel [with the possible exception being, if you're a neutrino] is impossible.
Andra will be around shortly with a toddy or nine and is under direct orders to care for your every need.)
Posted by: JK | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 16:47
Andra with a toddy or nine - can't wait!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 08 March 2012 at 17:36